Social Media is a Lie.

Social media can be many things but the only thing I’m thinking right now is how much of a lie social media is. People come from Slovakia when they don’t even know where that is on an actual map. Some have been around the world and back just from their beds while others have worked or been CEOs at UN, BBC and signed contracts with Young Money as they hop from one squeaky bar stool to another and crashing on people’s couches.

A friend of mine updates a status on 22^nd Dec “If you are working today, you are either a medic, self-employed, disorganized or you have your priorities wrong. Which one are you?” I am not even working but I immediately went like, who are you to judge why other people are working? These are some other pretty legit reasons not within the update that actually explain why people would be working over the festive season.

Anyway, who are they to deserve an explanation? Nobody owes you a damn explanation. I don’t owe anybody an explanation, that’s how I live my life. I choose to work when I want, however I want to and from whenever, as long as I deliver. I work odd hours all the time because I work to perfection and some are delicate deliverables that I have to get done. If I had things to do I would work on the 24^th, 25^th even the 26^th too. I mean, c’mon, you want it that bad, go for it!! Whenever, wherever, however, as long as it is legal and decent.

 Personally the festive season is a complete waste of time. And Jesus wasn’t born on the 25^th of December by the way. Show me a verse in the bible that supports that. I don’t like what everyone obsesses over. It’s just how I am. If everyone wants it, I don’t. (Except money and success and happiness: D I might have to rephrase this,) I don’t like Christmas.

We have become pathological liars with the help of social media. Captions, hashtags, filters, are mostly lies, including some moments. Socialites steal pictures just for Instagram. Google it. If you are having the time of your life at the concert why are you busy filming from your cheap phone instead of dancing your heart out? If you don’t get high as a kite and lose that phone, maybe you might have a good memory of the whole concert and keep the phone and the purse too while you are at it.

Everyone out there is applauding achievements and success because that's how society is, its only human nature to show you are happy even when you are clearly not. From a page you can figure so and so is “happily single”, in a relationship, trips out of town every now and then, loving their work, dinner at a high-end hotel of course, then they are engaged, wedding shopping, #happily married, getting pregnant, popping, new cars, vacations and all. Hardly will you see, sleepless nights, late with rent, I don’t even have examples because I see none of them failures. But these same people go through tough times. Some are even depressed.

 People do post photos of funerals and other tragic things but not as often, yeah? Say 2% of Instagram could be depicting grief. People go through so much we will never be aware of because they will never mention it; instead that’s when they will think of having a social media Detox. It works. The moment you do not feel the pressure of being caught by your friends random camera or paparazzi maybe you could let loose or be your actual self and don’t give a f**k or two.

Don’t believe everything you see. Photoshop is real. The filters exist. Some people will plagiarize and not even feel ashamed. Behind every good #selfie there are a couple ugly ones deleted. Take a break live a little and don’t forget to #LOVEYOURSELFIE. 

These sources of ideas and their timings

We all have walked into a room, forgotten what we wanted, walked out then remembered ( or not). That’s me. Most of the time. I get ideas when I’m in odd places. Then once I find the time to sit and actually write something down, I go blank.  And I had the thoughts aligned very well to the conclusion. Well, such is life.

Another way to actually get ideas is starting to write. Anything. As long as it flows. I have enough half baked posts in my archives because what happens is, if an idea creeps up when I’m in the middle of doing something else unrelated to blogging, I write two or three lines in there to remind me what exactly it is I want to write about.

Water has its way of giving me ideas. Especially, when I’m doing laundry. I do laundry once every fortnight if I have the time or once a month. Don’t judge. Thank you. The unusual thing is that when you have that many garments to wash, you are probably going to be there for two or more hours. I’m very meticulous and I take my time doing stuff. Laundry especially, according to me, requires that you have psych to wash so if I start I have to finish because if I break to sit and type something it would mean that stash might have to wait two more weeks or whenever I feel like washing again. When I’m in there scrubbing away I have tons and tons of ideas flowing from my head to Buckingham Palace and back.

 I actually start to think the content of each of the ideas until they overflow and intermarry and I’m left to think maybe I should go ahead and be an author already. I’m actually working on a book, play and all sorts of stuff, same story again, ideas giving birth to ideas. Spring cleaning, (arduous task that one) also gives me the same vibe. Too bad, this also takes time, like a whole day, and my body needs to agree with my brain that I’m really going to do this so no breaks allowed.

There is a time I was in the exam room and my thoughts went astray because, well, I was through with what I knew and I don’t do guess work too well but maybe I should try it sometime. The regulations are that, you should not write anywhere else apart from within the margins of that booklet. So it’s an hour to time and I feel like my wrists are chained and I'm burning up with ideas.

I have to confess 8-4-4 broke me if not made me worse. You know the way you read for exams and as soon as you write it down you have to re-read it in order to explain it properly? That's how I function. I could not write anything anywhere, thinking was the only option at that time. By any chance if I would write down that would mean that idea walks away with the outlet thanks to the restrictions. I either note it down and expound on it later when I have time. Because if I let it stay in my head hoping it could come back in the same force when I'm ready there's a 0.09 chance of that happening.

The Fear.

We all have fears whether we admit it or not, and what I fear most is losing someone I love. No. Not breaking up. I will get over that shit with time. I am talking about when someone loses their life. No matter what you do, they cannot come back. That’s the thing that could break me.

A very close friend of mine lost her mother recently; I am still in disbelief, she doesn't know it. It’s been a month now but it but it just won’t settle. The mother suffered a cardiac arrest and just like that, no second chances, she went to be with the Lord. My friend has probably accepted and moved on, or so it seems, but the day she called me up with the news keeps replaying in my head. Like a bad dream. In the blink of an eye she was gone.

Light a candle for a fallen Soldier.

I probably cry a lot more than most adults but it helps me deal with the things I’m going through, I can’t help it but I feel way better when I’m done. That’s just how I am. My friend on the other hand hardly sheds a tear. The entire time I have known her, I don’t remember a single day she cried, but I remember several times she was so mad she trembled. So the day I pick her call and she is sobbing uncontrollably, it had to be something real bad. She is a strong one. She managed to tell me in one sentence.

I don’t like it when my friends cry. This time my friend wasn't crying because of a bully. Or some guy who broke her heart. It was beyond everything I could do. When I went over to her place, we talked about the crazy things we did in the past and all the reminiscing we could. I didn't know how else to comfort than to divert thoughts. Everything was different on the burial day. It is the saddest of all because you are saying goodbye indefinitely and all you will remain with are memories. And photographs. That’s when you know for real nothing will ever be the same again and you better start believing.

Recently I had a scare. We had gone out with a few friends and when the night was done we went to sleep over at our other friend. I tucked my friend on the couch because that’s where she blacked out. On the next morning I couldn't find her on the couch, but in another room. That wasn't bad; at least she didn't run out of the house or something.

I tried waking her up on several attempts but she couldn't move. Are you thinking what I was thinking? I thought she had died. Her body wasn't as warm so I thought she must have died a few hours ago. I shook her again, panicking, tears gushing, head spinning, this time desperately than before, and she pulled up her covers weakly. She was alive!!!!!!  I asked her to wake up and slap me because I wanted the reassurance. She probably thought I was being dumb but I really needed her to punch me real hard. I ended up slaving for her that entire day, and a few days just to show her how much I adored her thinking of how bad I would've craved that if at all I lost her.

Well, we are all mortal beings. I mean human-beings, (If God is reading this blog too id be thrilled, please drop a comment below, or just share with the angels, thanks.) If and when we lose people dear to us may God give us the strength to carry on and may He comfort us. It is a fear we can't run from, but must be prepared to face. My condolences to all of you who have lost loved ones, now or far in the past. If you love the people in your life let them know that for sure because you could blink and the are no more and you'll wish you told them that a lot more.

Hairdresser Chronicles.

The customer is always right and the secret about this is no secret at all. The customer is right. Business depends and thrives on that. When I walk into your premises and you start telling me what I want without asking for your opinion I get infuriated. You know the type I'd turn red if I was a couple shades lighter. If I did not know what I’m looking for I wouldn't be looking in the first place.

 My blood boils but I constantly remind myself jail is never a wonderful place or experience at that. Plus two thirds of your "friends" will not visit, even if they do, you will not be at liberty to spend all the time you'd wish to. No phones, decent meals or fresh air: and internet (God bless the internet). It’s like boarding school all over again only worse. You get my drift though? I wouldn't risk jail for people who aren't worth it. So some of the times when I’m super mad, I've learnt to smile and no, do not be deceived, I’m not anywhere close to being amused, maybe by the level of stupidity, but not because there’s a chance of the person being funny. Most of the times if I have a choice I walk away, its way better than causing a scene you agree. Some of these situations do not need reactions anymore so my other option is ignoring. However once in a while I while I speak my mind.

All this is about my hair. Women and their hair. In as much as we have that one go to hairdresser who gets you and can deal with your madness, there’s always a thing or two they don’t get so you will ask around who does what best. I love to braid because it needs the least amount of work and I can style them however whenever. Every once in a while I've had someone do a good job but when you go back niggas don’t have a clue what you are talking about. So I switch from time to time. You know the problem with that? They say better the devil you know but I got to take my chances. This time they flopped, ass up.

My sister referred me to a certain lady who made her hair about three years ago.  This should have been my cue, too bad I didn't ask. The woman asked me if my sister had delivered and my sisters’ daughter is three years old now. Of course she had delivered, it’s been three years or so? Or are there people who are heavy for more than 9 months? I showed her pictures of my adorbs (adorable) niece. She is like “oh amekuwa mkubwa” and I’m there thinking to myself should she be crawling in diapers after all this time? Right there people, that is the reason I am not a fan of small talk.

Well, being the perfectionist that I am, I showed them pictures of exactly what I wanted to look like at the end. First, her assistants were over there trying to convince me to do what they know and I was there like “I don’t want what you know and what you always make, I have made myself clear now do me a favor and tell me if you can do this or not!!” but in the most courteous way possible. After a little bit of back and forth I got overwhelmed and wanted to walk, then they calmed down and agreed to my style.

Usually, rather what they know is that they empty close to 15 packs of braids onto your head, I don’t roll like that and I told them. I don’t want to leave the place leaning back like I’m literally carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I sat there patiently being braided. Somewhere in the middle they say they are out of braids. My brain stops. I’m not certain how this is going to end but I choose to keep calm. There’s nothing much I can do but add another packet.

Long story short in the end I don’t look anything close to what I wanted. I feel like crying because my whole head hurts from the pulling and the acres of my forehead have been highlighted with what looks like a cactus plantation. I was running late for something else so I couldn't undo them. Then to add salt to injury, my whole other issue was the length of the braids. She went on and chopped them. Give me a moment I need to wail!!

When you ask God to give you a sign, He does, most of the time. You will not hear a voice from above nor will a dove sit on your head, it is there right before your eyes. It is clear to me that He wants me to tie turbans, embrace bad hair days or chop it off altogether. I have chosen to listen. Before I do, anyone who knows some obedient hairdresser who knows how to listen to their client and make the best box braids please halla at a sister. I am done with the shady ones.  Now excuse me as I go kill some puppies and walk on needles.

 

Support &Advocate

Days are set aside to commemorate different things, mark anniversaries and so forth. When a whole month is set out to create awareness, you know it’s serious and people mean business. October was made the official breast cancer month in 1984 and the movement has grown in leaps and bounds as women religiously support each other. I think it is the only time women are not being their own enemies. If it is detected early enough, it can be controlled

Since inception of World Breast Cancer Awareness Month (WBCAM), women oriented organizations, mostly, have consistently made it their sole aim to promote breast cancer awareness. All over the world, women are enlightened on how to take charge of their own breast health. Mainly, self-breast exam being the easiest and cheapest way to help women detect any changes in their breasts for early detection.A mammogram is recommended annually for women from 40 years to 70. A cancer's stage is a crucial factor in deciding what treatment options to recommend, and in determining the patient's prognosis. 

Breast cancer is not a foreign ailment as it is the most common malevolence in women worldwide both in developed and underdeveloped countries. Most of those who succumb are from low- and middle-income countries, where most women with breast cancer are diagnosed in late stages due mainly to lack of awareness on early detection and barriers to health services.

You have either lost a friend or a relative or know someone who is suffering from it. There’s a probability of 1 in 8 women developing breast cancer in her lifetime.  A minority of these cases are hereditary say less than 10%. Breast cancer most commonly develops in cells from the lining of milk ducts and the lobules that supply the ducts with milk. There are more than 18 other sub-types of breast cancer. Some cancers develop from pre-invasive lesions.

Men also suffer from Breast Cancer, however in very rare cases. This occurs mainly at the age of 65 and above. There have been a few cases of younger men suffering from breast cancer between the age of 20 -90. “The American Cancer Society estimates that each year, about 1,990 new cases of breast cancer in men will be diagnosed and that breast cancer will cause approximately 480 deaths in men. A man’s lifetime risk of developing breast cancer is about one in a thousand.” –Sy Kraft (B.A) , Medical News Today.

Compiled by Tracy Gesare

Source Wikipedia, WHO, WebMD

Teenager Extraordinaire

Teenagers making waves all over is something we could have been used to already. Well, we are told that the future belongs to the youths – teenagers are early youths too – and some of us have taken it too seriously now that the future is here.

 I don’t quite remember doing something productive with myself during my teenage years, which I should have, my excuse being a small town has zilch to offer. What are the current 17 year olds doing? The ones you know. Your brother/sister, cousin, niece, nephew, friends? However it is not about me or them or Kylie Jenner today. Ladies and Gentlemen introducing *drumrolls please* Malala Yousafzai!!! I’m just excited; my shadiness can take a seat now.

Of course I didn’t grow up in the same neighborhood as Malala, neither am I friends with her older sibling or something, I certainly googled her. I wasn’t the least bit stunned to see a “why do most people hate Malala?” title on the search. Whether you do bad or good, there will always be a hater somewhere either talking smack about you or planning to do not so good things to you.

Malala is a teenager of Pakistani origin born in 1997. She is an activist for female Education whose backing has gone global and even won her a Nobel-Prize on 10^th October this year: exactly two years after she was shot in the head. She started out by writing an anonymous blog for BBC, giving conditions under the local Taliban rule which had also banned girls from attending school. This landed her in a New York Times Documentary which in return got her interviews on print and Television. Later that year South African Activist Desmond Tutu nominated her for the International Children’s Peace Prize.

Miss Yousafzai has co-written a book “I am Malala: The girl who stood Up for Education and was Shot by the Taliban.”  A not so average life will earn you not so average hater’s girl. Good choice though.  Her bravery has seen her bag accolades from every front. Malala was the winner of Pakistani’s first ever National Youth Peace Prize, was featured (and listed) on Time magazine in May 2013 as one of the 100 most influential people in the world, among others. She was to receive an honorary citizenship in Canada but was cancelled due to the emergency situation in Ottawa where shootings took place near Parliament Hill.

She has also been listed in the Time Magazine again as the Top 100 most influential teenagers alongside  First children Sasha and Malia Obama, models and reality show stars Kendall and Kylie Jenner, and artiste Lorde. A Malala Fund set up by Vital voices to benefit the girl child education has attracted hefty donations, such as Jolie, who reportedly pledged a donation of  200,000 USD.

World Wide Discoveries.

The internet is a vast world in its own existence. There is so much put up every second and a little of it taken down at the same time I presume. It doesn't fill up any space (I'm thinking) but it exists. Tons and tons of peoples work, imagination, creations and folly all of it wrapped up in one. It is a wonderful thing I would say but it can also ruin your life. Case of a typical two sides of the coin.

A friend introduced me to an art and humanity page called Humans of New York and I have never looked back. They have a way of having people open up very little random things about themselves. Some are emotional, some are funny, but most have a thing or two you can learn from life in general. Tonight the articles that have touched me speak for themselves in their few words. 

"It's hard for me to materialize things into form. I'm full of regrets, I've got poor self-esteem. Every time I start doing something, I get down on myself and quit. I wasn't a leader when I was young, and I fell into all the wrong things. Eventually I got into doing drugs, then selling drugs, and I ended up going to prison."

"How'd it all end?"

"I was one robbed one night, and learned who did it, so I decided to get back at the guy. I wasn't really thinking at the time. I was high out of my head, we were listening to Metallica, smoking PCP, and all my friends were yelling at me to do something. So we found the guy and I slashed him with a box cutter and hit him with the shaft of a steering wheel. I went home and told my mother that if the cops come, to tell them I was home all night. Then I took off down Ditmars Boulevard, and after I drove a few miles, cop cars started coming at me from everywhere."

2.

“I’ve written so many stories and novellas that nobody will look at, plays that I can’t get produced, screenplays that will never be made. Everything is so branded these days in the art world, it’s so hard for an outsider to get work.”

“In what way would you consider yourself an ‘outsider?’”

“I’m interested in failure, so those are the themes that I like to explore. But we live in a society that celebrates triumphalism. A society wants art that reaffirms itself. We want to read about characters that win.” 

“What was your lowest moment as an artist?”

“I worked on a screenplay for two years, and it had just been turned down by the fifth theater in a month, and I remember walking down 5th avenue in the middle of winter, tossing the pages one by one into the slush, vowing never to do it again. It was just a few blocks from here, actually.”

That's all folks and thank YOU for stopping by. You are amazing.

My Black is Beautiful.

Skin lightning has never been a reality to me nor a thought. Topic for discussion maybe but I have never thought of doing it myself.Ever!!! I am saying this hoping that I will not wake up one day with shallow thoughts and just throw in the towel. I mean, I love my skin pigment, not because I am trying to convince myself but because I love being dark. Period.
Those who have met me know that I am dark enough. The ebony kind of dark. If I were in south Sudan, they'd think I'm their own. I have been mistaken for a Sudanese at one time by some white lady during an audition.  My middle and surname sound a little Nilote to foreign ears perhaps. So I let it slide because I wasn't offended anyway.
The only thing that could sell me out could be my body structure maybe. I am skinny yes but my sisters tease that I am the starved kind of skinny considering I was once a size 12 going on 14 and now I am a 6 leaning towards 4. I like it like this though. It is the smallest i have ever been in my entire life. I know the day my weight shoots up I can never come back to being a 6, maybe an 8. So let me enjoy it while it lasts. I find the Sudanese girls athletic and very lean. Some are the high fashion type of lean and the rest are just lean.
Did you know we have a whole street, no I'm exaggerating - its like 7 to 10 shops on the same lane, in the Central Business District that is dedicated to cheap, filthy skin lightening cream. I was running errands looking for fabric and I was directed to a textile outlet on some downtown street.
I was shocked and exasperated when women kept scampering towards me asking if I wanted "mafuta ya uso"?
OK. If you bleach, why don't you do the whole damned body though? You know your body has to match pigments, then you go ahead strip off melanin on your face and leave the rest of it. Well. I understand we all are entitled to opinions and decisions but some of us need help making these guidance's. Decide if you want to remain dark or go light skinned, not zebra patches.
You are beautiful just the way you are. If you think you are not, then be your own kind of beautiful. If you do not believe all that, take a look in the mirror. The person staring right back is beautiful. After all that you don't believe then go ahead and dip yourself in it.
-I don't think you are beautiful, I think you are beyond it.-  Dwayne Carter

FIND WHAT YOU LOVE AND LET IT KILL YOU 1

Why do I have 60 posts in two years when other people have 600+ on their blogs over the same time frame? Is it the thought block/ idea block perhaps? Waiting for recognition or what? Don’t worry. I do not expect you to answer those questions seeing that this is me questioning my endeavours. Those are the questions I often ask myself as I look through my blog for the umpteenth time, looking for inspiration. Weird much?

See, it takes time to grow in any creative industry, unless you are born with the “oh, you are so good” type of talent, or you have had the opportunities to grow around these fields. If you are, thank your ancestors. These are the kind that either had their first try at various jobs when they were 5 or less. So the bug bites you early and it is easy for you to figure exactly what it is that you want to pursue. Typical story of a few of the actors and musicians who have come from a lineage of people doing the same thing so it is easy to relate and they have the support, I’d like to assume.

 Then there are those who come from the typical professional kind of background. Where we are encouraged to be strictly doctors, engineers, nurses, teachers, and the whole shebang of formal employment. It is work trying to figure out what you want to be exactly and do just that. I know people who go into college start out with one thing only to switch for a third and fourth time, some do this and still regret.

From where I stand, I now understand why they wanted us to go into such fields. There is a very little chance of lacking a job and it is safe, in as much as you earn peanuts. That was all love. Enter Tracy. Tracy finds safe boring; I cannot sit behind a desk my entire life, I mean yes I can sit from time to time when I am putting my thoughts down. I want something interesting. Not writing on a chalk board then erasing, what’s the point?

 

DISCLAIMER: I have nothing against teachers but I think it should be a calling, not something you decide to do because you do not have another option. Mostly, the drama that comes with being a teacher. Being on duty, sijui who has done what, so and so didn’t complete the homework, some 12 year old feels like an adult enough to talk back. It can get personal and I might end up not liking that kid for a very long time and I do not want to be a dream killer. Like the teacher who said Einstein will never amount to much. I bet he regrets with all the vessels of his veins.

From the little knowledge I have gathered so far, it is important to follow your passion. Like some 11 year old I know who wants to be a taxi driver, its good. Whatever floats your boat and brings satisfaction. As cliché as it sounds, it is paramount. If this kid gets to 22 and still wants to be a taxi driver I think he can make a great one and probably own a fleet.

I doubt I will be able to do what I desire if I am at the wrong post. You cannot practice A if you are at C; it is going to be a little bit hard. Find what you love and let it kill you. I urge you to follow your passion because when the light goes out you don’t want to have regrets. Or do you?

Keep doing it.

This generation couldn't get any better. I am inspired to say the least. Everywhere I look, there's ambition, assertiveness, vision, toil and want. Young and rich individuals outdoing themselves day in day out, I cannot lie, I'm inspired.

For as long as I can remember I've had these dreams of being great. I love to write and have thought the paths of writing I want to venture into, perfect my craft and curve a niche for myself at the same time not limiting myself. From the look (and feel) of things, I am going to turn into a Jill of all trades. Would it hurt if I have so many things going on for me or will I be spreading myself too thin? We will figure that on the way up.

 When I sit back and look at people who would've done great in various industries but they did not take up the chance, I fret and remind myself that I will not be that person who looks back and regret. Definitely I would not be that person who looks and thinks “I wish I would've started earlier”, which I am already doing and it is killing me.

I see people my age doing things I have yearned for years on end and I ask myself what am I not doing right? Why am I not the one there or shouldn't we be at par. Do not confuse that with comparing myself with other people. One thing we all need to know is there is nothing new under the sun. You are either doing something as you saw someone else do it or you are doing it in a better, easier way which I like to call the science way since Science is making work easier.

I understand that there is no manual to follow to the letter but you have to be willing to be wrong for you to grow and go places. Trying new things doesn't mean they will take flight. People and plans fail but you have to be willing to dust yourself off and trying again. You can fail miserably on so many occasions.  In the end, it will give, either because of your resilience, patience, faith or all of them.

This generation can be one of glorified hobbies or most of us believe in being destined for greatness and stopping at nothing. There are those of us who give up quickly and there are definitely not faint hearted; and it is definitely not for the light hearted. When you embark on the journey to discover yourself, come with enough heart to chase whatever it is that you are looking for. Your future, the legacy you leave behind, the people you inspire along the way both knowingly and unknowingly, will thank you for not giving up.

Martin Luther, Mandela, Maya Angelou, Oprah, Tyra, Lupita, (me *cough cough) and all those people you look up to did not stop where they started. They kept doing it with everything they got and eventually the world gave back to them in due time. Do not despise your efforts, who knows, you could be the next Obama or whatever it is your heart desires.