The “all’s” and “nothing’s” of love.

So it’s February again and it’s time to paint the town red and love; as they say is in the air. Huge sums of Money are being spent, people are sulking for not being taken out on a treat, others getting worked up because of the pressure, some broke and wishing that guy spending a fortune on this lousy day could just pay his bills. We all have our views and as far as I’m concerned everyone is entitled to their own opinion about anything and everything but we got to talk about other things that come with the reason behind celebrating this day.

What’s love to you, does it count, and does it still make sense? After my years of spinning back, forth, round and round the things it put me through, I can say love will never die. You see, we all get in relationships for one reason or another. All the reasons narrow down to trial and error and do or die. It’s not easy to find two people with the same motive in as much as they will talk about it, what matters is that which they are not saying.

Love starts from far and wide; when a mother holds their wailing baby in that hospital bed and they too are bursting with tears of joy. A four year old boy who wouldn’t let you hurt his one year old sister. Mother hen scratching anything that comes near her chicks. A rhino staying single after their one spouse dies. And the one we are vividly familiar with; prince charming in shining armour living happily ever after with that princess that makes them bubbly after a trying and challenging day.  But that doesn’t put the end to the list.

“What we crave most in this world is connection. For some people it happens at first sight. It’s when you know you know. Its fate working its magic. That’s good for them; they get to live in a pop song, ride the express train; and a bonus of a fairy tale ending. But that’s not the way it really works. For the rest of us it’s less romantic, complicated, and messy. It’s about horrible timing and fumbled opportunities. And not being able to say what you need to say, when you need to say it.” (The switch, film 2010)

  My point is there is someone for everyone and when that time comes your world will stop spinning and everything will fall into place, fate will work its magic and you will be connected. When you stop chasing love that’s when it finds you, when you least expect it. Don’t stress when your stuff don’t follow the script in your head. Most things don’t work the way we expect them to but we got to still hope for the best but prepare for the worst, just in case.

Lastly I’d like to straighten things and take a stand. Things might never have been right for you in your past endeavours and commitments, that doesn’t mean you turn your back against the most beautiful things in life. Good things come to those who wait and I have to say no one has to work so hard because fate will take care of that and trust me when it does, that feeling you can’t describe will make perfect sense.

Exempting the fun.

With everything these days skyrocketing from call rates to fuel prices, we need help pronto!  If there’s one positive thing about the global recession, it’s the placing of the fine line between wants and needs. With time (and indulgence) the line has become invisible and we are actually beginning to think that we need what we just wanted initially.

Attaching an element of entertainment to almost every activity makes our wants look like needs. This will definitely make our lives stressful and very expensive in a way that one will go to bed hungry Monday evening just because they went out all weekend.

In as much as entertainment has been made a human need, it doesn’t have to cost you a fortune or even happen all the time. It’s not speculated how much you should spend on luxuries and  entertainment but  it doesn’t make sense to overspend on unnecessary things  today only to be broke the next day. 

The secret is to use what you already have to enjoy the good old fashioned way. For clothes; that’s where accessories come in handy, make them work for you and save you the headache of shopping for new outfits each time you have a function or event. For entertainment, you can decide to have a nice home cooked meal and enjoy the privacy of your home instead of a crowded restaurant and painfully slow waiters.

Eat before you go shopping, this way, you will not be tempted by all those snacks displayed by the till to bait you. Its like those things scream ‘buy mee buy mee’ *ghostly moan* Exercise at home. It occupies your time and it is free of charge! If you must go on holiday then do so during the low season when the prices are low and favorable.

When all is said and done and you have actually re-sketched your line between your needs and wants, entertain yourself as a reward. Motivate yourself to achieve your goals and targets, as this will help you appreciate and look forward to the treat and it stops being a routine that is tagged to your financial side of life.

Love Yourself Edition.

There are days put up to commemorate people occasions and things. Since maybe you haven't put yourself somewhere on a map doesn't mean you are a nobody. Make everyday your day. 
The following words have been adopted from a song by India Arie- Video. 
These are all the words that i wanna say in 3 minutes and 46 seconds. bottom line, you are love and love is you. If you cant love yourself, no ones gonna love you. say this to yourself every time you doubt your confidence.


""Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don't


Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't

Depend on how the wind blows I might even paint my toes

It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul

I'm not the average girl from your video

and I ain't built like a supermodel

 
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally

Because I am a queen

My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes

No matter what I'm wearing I will always be me

 
When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me

Every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be

And I know my creator didn't make no mistakes on me

My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes; I'm lovin' what I see

Am I less of a lady if I don't wear pantyhose?

My mama said a lady ain't what she wears but, what she knows

But, I've drawn a conclusion, it's all an illusion, confusion's the name of the game

A misconception, a vast deception

Something's gotta change

Don't be offended this is all my opinion

 
ain't nothing that I'm sayin law

This is a true confession of a life learned lesson I was sent here to share with y'all

So get in where you fit in go on and shine

Clear your mind, now's the time

Put your salt on the shelf

Go on and love yourself

'Cuz everything's gonna be all right

Keep your fancy drinks and your expensive minks

I don't need that to have a good time

Keep your expensive car and your caviar

All I need is my guitar

Keep your Kristal and your pistol

I'd rather have a pretty piece of crystal

Don't need your silicon I prefer my own

What God gave me is just fine........'""

if i say more i might spoil the moment.

my solitude :{

Sometimes i love MY silence/noise. That's why most times id rather hop onto a quiet matatu and get to my destination silently!!! (note the number of times i have used silent/quiet). If the silence is too defeaning id plug my earphones on and defean my drums. 
Over Easter this year we happened to be going for a trip. Do you know what time we were to leave for wherever??? At 8 in the am. Thats normal. Right?? Of course. And do you know what time we left? At 5.42 in the pm!!!  Thats nothing close to african timing. Its simple. People should buy watches or just simply learn how to interpret the ones we are using. *smh*
my motivation  comes from what i was going thru in the bus... By the time people were drunk on cheap liquor. Shouting shady insults and doing shady moves to the shady and overplayed jams and mixes. This is travelling!!! Not some local bar you just dropped into to get your'two for the road'. 
These very uncivilized people give you hell and they really dont get what it is you are supposed to do. I mean, this is campus and you just hold your horses and get over the post-highschool excitement and chill. You are on your way to adulthood sucker! Anyway, those are just my two cents and no judgement or hard feelings.

SPARE ME THE ‘FAME’.

I am not a common-stuff (aka Kenya Uniform) person ain’t tryna justify myself or anything but I really do not like having stuff that fananas like nanis. It really pisses me off!!! End of story.

Ok ok. I know ending there won’t make sense because I have to tell you why.  I love myself so much I will not struggle to fit in when I really was born to stand out. I am soon going for my internship and in case there is going to be an interview, I don’t want to sound like I’m from Mars or Venus.  So I am making a point to read newspapers and watch news at least daily. Yes, I have to make a trip to the school library daily. Funny enough it’s actually a good sport, the librarian knows me as the last to leave.  I am equally surprised.

My story is, I saw this chick with a phone like mine!!! I know I’m not that special or own anything that looks customized or anything. But my heart sank! I really hope that the ‘torch’ I have won’t be as common as an Ideot coz I honestly do not know what I will do. Saving that for later, I also noticed I don’t like being noticed for all the wrong reasons or for a season. ;) That’s just me. Then, i have to keep myself from the tongue-lashers and the ‘Google-search’ of this institution. Trust me when they start researching about you sweetheart they will know how your brain works.

Result? Avoid groups! I do not say thou shall not have friends but careful what you feed or leash to your ‘besties’. I might be called selfish or an antisocial. That’s better than being a crowd pleaser, I got a life too. Well wishes to my opposition though, thanks for noticing that I am better than twenty of you put together and loving me for my ambition. {*giggles* no diss.}

Other than that, I noticed my fame-phobic habits go deep down to my wardrobe. I am one person who would rather go to an open market and go the whole hog for the just in fashion rather than catwalk into an exhibition and buy things our housie will own three months from now... feel me? In short, spare yourself the seasonal fame and stand out. It feels good. Once you go classy you never go back.

                                       #### 

#notinaposition2composetitle.

Okay. 9^th march is a special day for me, each year. Others have gone a little unnoticed for one reason or another but this year it has been the most anticipated. Guess what? It’s my birthday!!! Yes. I’m not ten anymore but I have never been so excited by the way.

I repeat again that it’s a special day. I woke up and logged on twitter to beg a presenter to big me up like a miserable groupie but I decided it’s not gonna be worth it and quit. I went on with my daily what not’s and yeah yeah yeah..... lectures,  finalising my postponed project and blah, feel free to imagine the rest.

I look back and 365 days ago look like what? Three weeks and some days. Well, all i want to say is that I cannot forget to thank God for all the protection He has given me through all that time. The strength he has given me to stand tall through the bull I’ve been through with people and situations and circumstances. The good health, the love manifested through the people He has brought to my path both as friends and family.

The list is long. I will write a book and I know a number of us don’t like those fat books, right?  Don’t fret, it’s not like I will leash all my private life here. I go on to thank my family. You gotta be jealous; I got the best family ever!!!!!! And what about my girls? This is the A-list’. You have no idea what a-list is until you have met them. And the haters  too, thanxx a million. For showing me that im your role model, you just don’t wanna admit it. J. Don’t worry your secret is safe with me.

Thanks y’all. Kisses!

My wardrobe and I.

Whether we embrace it or not, people will judge us through the way we dress.  Talk about being judged, apparently you are what you wear? How credible is that anyway? Ask me, I know people who are very descent according to their clothes but they are a whole different story inside. You know the kind they say that it’s a fox dressed in sheep skin. Anyway I don’t wanna judge or justify anything; it’s a free world out there you know.
I have those days that I wake up and just stare at my closet and can’t help but sigh and wonder and I go like really? All these clothes and I cant make up my mind on what to wear? That’s why people find women complicated and for real we can’t blame them because at times we don’t even get why we do some things we do but we just do. Did i confuse you? That’s probably because you are not a woman, never mind it’s a woman’s world in here. I am so sure all of us women have had this crisis once in every while, it’s no crime by the way, so don’t worry.
I once wore a really nice skirt coz it was kind of compulsory that day to look formal. Yes, that ‘compulsory’ word; lemme break it down for you. Being a college student I am more of a casual person, t-shirts and jeans work for me well most of the time but I can afford to throw in a little bit of other casuals when i have the time. I was looking good by the way but the skirt in particular gave me so much trouble I had to literally calculate my route anywhere. No, no, don’t get me wrong, the skirt was very descent since it was knee length. The problem was that the skirt really misunderstood that I wanted it to remain at its height throughout the day and not keep climbing up my thigh with every step I made. Long story short, i had a long day.
In other news, there are some clothes that are just good on the mannequins in stores, on size zero models on the runway and on celebrities during events and openings. I mean the ones that Gaga wears on the red carpet and on stage plus the ones Nicki is trying to create an image with. I dare say again, leave those clothes alone! There are plenty of OTHER styles to choose from. It’s ok to try out new things but please don’t go to the forbidden lest people quarantine you.
Speaking of trying out new styles and outfits. We were all born nude and whatever the direction of style one has decided to take is entirely upon them and they reserve every right to keep that decision to themselves as long as you cover your nudity; according to weather and occasion. At times it’s not anyone’s fault that they are ‘freeze and shining’ or really boiling under that garment. The weather can be are a real mess. So, it’s cold in the morning and you do not want to suffer coz you think that you have learnt a lesson. You get into your jeans, tuck em in boots, heavy sweater: check, cashmere jacket: check, and a scarf, good to go. You are so warm and happy as you see people’s teeth chattering so hard they could shred raw meat. And halfway to school/work, the sun is OUT and you just want to strip and throw away those clothes.
There are those days I will not forget to mention also. Like you have this meeting/date or whatever excites you and you dress up and look like a million bucks. Your hair is neatly tucked; nail polish all glossy, favourite and sometimes borrowed accessories are worn. That is the day, your haters will see you and choke to death, people will notice you, you will stop traffic, and your friends want to tag along like groupies; deep down you know you look exquisite in other words, the hours before the mirror paid off. You fika the designated place for the meeting and sweetheart, it has been postponed or that person is running late. As in it’s eleven in the morning and running late is at five o’clock. DUDE! Buy a watch and learn to use that small gadget called a cell phone. Or if it’s a date, your counterpart doesn’t follow the script in your head and just spoils your day. Nkt!

*walks away to contain anger* 

:)

####

Suffering through the support.

Dear diary, does being a fan really have to cause me so much pain. Being an Arsenal fan, people are always on my neck after the matches, Showing me those fangs they call teeth. Makes me want to slit some throats. In layman’s language, I am a LAUGHING STOCK!

One thing they don’t understand is that we are just fans. Who told them now that they support a ‘winning team’ that middle field guy has a clue who they are or how they look like? They should really give me break! They are as round as the tank on my rooftop and they can’t even save their sorry ass down the stairs in case of a fire outbreak.

In as much as I smile through the pain, deep down I’m hurting. So bad, it kills my patience, I wanna bail out on these people I am so rooted to. I don’t know why I still support them after repeatedly losing to shady; and I say again shady teams like........ lemme not mention any in case this is at anytime used to put me behind bars.

At times I do not understand why the moods of my week have to be based on what twenty four retarded people do, chasing that one round equipment they call a ball!!! Sometimes I get so carried away I wanna get in there, grab that thing and throw it in a volcano (that way I know no one will go after it-*evil laugh*). The only problem is that there are so many other balls I cannot get rid all of them. Too bad I guess.

Well, through it all there are things I have learnt. These things have made me grow in that pain. Believe it or not I have become a strong person. Now i know what it feels like to love someone who loses out on what they try so hard for. I know what it feels like to think that you are stuck with a jinx. Through it all i know what hope feels like and my faith has grown too. All you got to do is believe in your people and whoever you gamble on. Never give them a reason to doubt you even when they do not know that you are there for them. It might change someones life. Learn , you do not have forever here on earth, die a better person.

thats all i can say for now. :)

This one is about nothing in particular. It’s a weekly update of the things I’ve been through this ROUGH week. Thanks to the people who let me down, myself for being a major procrastinator and taking things for granted.

So I had this feeling I was gonna have an exclusive week but I didn’t expect anything close to the way it went. Monday was ok by the way, Tuesday my graph went from 38 to 102. I’m not telling you why (I have a private life to keep) everything was looking up and I went to bed all smiles. Wednesday ate all my energy and left me at 70, and I had a hard time keeping my levels up. Thursday mugged me of all i was left with and threw me over to Friday which drowned me to a whooping -72 by 5 o’clock.

Saturday has been kind enough to take away my sleep at 6. Yeah, staring at the roof was depressing enough. And then in the middle of my thinking and writing a song comes on. Its a new release called nini -starborn ft bobby mapesa.  (Shouting) EPIC FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who lets you produce that primary school rhyme at their studio? Leave that magic to Madtraxx please. Ok enough of my venting. Let me what the rest of the day has to offer.

But i got to say one of the things i have wanted this year is being positive and optimistic than i have before. On that note imma thank those who lighted my dingy miserable patch. Thanks to my ‘retarded’ group of girls, these people will be responsible for my rib cracks and cardiac arrest. My sisters....... where would I be without you fine women.  My dad; I looove that man my friend if i were to count my reasons id definitely run out of fingers. My God; for letting me through it alive, trust me I’d be dead without that Guys help. It was that bad, I needed that divine intervention.

###