AAARGH!

Wrote this a while back and lost it in storage, i hope its not irrelevant as yet even though we burnt their coffins just the other day.

I am so pissed right now I do not know where to start but i will have to address it, because the only way i am able to get rid of the rage building up inside is through writing. Actually, this is like a sign. Whoever supported the bill should not even be re-elected to parliament or be any leader for that matter! You have no idea what Kenyans want. Just go home! We don’t need you and your greedy self to represent us.

Each and every single Member of Parliament wants a send off worth 9.3M after doubling up their salaries somewhere in the middle of getting bored prioritizing Kenyans needs and wants. I’m lost. Have you heard yourselves asking that?  Are you out of your minds? You want a state burial.  Because you are what? A hero? You delivered us from slavery in the 1900s and you’ve been with us through the journey? Some of you are way illiterate to know the meaning of that. And just so we are clear, you earn it, you don’t just demand it. And expatriate passports for you and spouses? Or is it with your concubines? You want to rattle us then leave the country with orders for us to fight against the neighbours we have known and lose the only homes we have known our entire lives as you embezzle the funds you have stolen from us.

Do you know that there are people who lost their lives and those who survived putting you into power are somewhere in a camp: with nothing but the hopes? People don’t have basic needs; they have lived in torn and tattered tents for years! Besides that, how many civil servants are living on hand to mouth budgets because there’s too little to save for essential things like medical care. I forgot you have time thinking about that while you fly private jets to India and the UK and God knows where else to get first class treatment. My bad.

Have you also heard that while you are busy praising yourself for being the cabinet that took two weeks in Naivasha to discuss the current constitution nurses were taking longer shifts to tend to patients that are in hospitals that have never smelt maintenance funds since they were built. Has it occurred to you that the most important people who are teachers- they instil knowledge in all, are underpaid?  Do you happen to know that you work for us not the other way round? And you refuse to pay taxes anyway!! You have to stop all this shenanigans and use your brains not your stomachs to think.

I also forget that you take credit for giving the outgoing president a party!!! I can’t even shake my head because I’m trying to figure out what type of folly has swarmed your brains. Of course you didn’t have popcorn, biscuits and juice; you used state money for the finest cuisine the world has to offer. I bet you even asked a foreign chef to do that. I won’t be surprised. We wouldn’t be mad if you channelled those funds to build roads like normal people with functional drainages not those you blind us with fake drainages and then when it rains like it did over the Christmas season we are left with potholes all over you won’t even know we had a road to begin with.

Kenyans do not want perfect leaders; we just want to see the people we elect be our voices! We want someone who understands where we have come from and knows where we are going. We need someone who is in this by heart. Show us you got our backs and we would’ve earned yourself all the state burials and expatriate passports we can offer. We don’t mean speeches and empty promises, action speaks louder than words.

Tell you what? It’s been real. If you did not invest well with your hefty salaries, too bad for you because we have been enlightened and we are not going to vote none of the vulture back. We will be just fine with the people we will see fit to lead us through.

Our deepest fear.

This piece of art has always inspired me ever since i watched Akeelah and the bee. It would be selfish to keep such a powerful poem all to myself when i know someone out there needs this kind of inspiration. Right about this minute; not only to move on from comfort zones, but also to make use of  their abilities to the fullest. then and only then with the undying hope, will you find your defination of life.

Our Deepest Fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

by Marianne Williamson

Be blessed.

Part.1

BEWARE: The people that will break legs, necks and banks to impress you or make you happy for the moment, are the same ones that break your heart into little, tiny pieces that you won’t know how to fix in the end but just throw them in a bag and walk on hoping that it will work anyway.

 You don’t agree? Where are you from? Pluto? Ok, then you are excused. I strongly believe that those that honestly love us sweep us off our feet without them knowing or trying. They might buy you roses and chocolates all right and you’ll feel loved, not wanted. You get my point though? These are the people who will still ask how you are doing even when you are mad at each other. For instance your mum can be so mad at you but she can’t help but blow up your phone when you decide not to show up by curfew time! Lol, trust me!

I have tales of my own to prove that, and so do you;  be on the lookout for my short novel hundred years from now, coz I’m never gonna tell, coz none of y’all are gonna tell me either. Get over it. These people will never make you a short-time project so that when you ‘jump in with both feet’ you are left wondering what the hell you were on.  I mean, you’ve ever been in a situation where you wonder why someone you knew is so two faced or has changed.  Truth be told. No one has changed. Show is over, reality check! That is who they really are; wolves in lamb skin. Don’t worry. Pick up the pieces and soldier on- chin up. As cliché as it may sound, it’s true that “what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger”.

Someone updated a random update on Facebook ‘it’s better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all’ and I couldn’t help but agree. And it got me thinking, what’s love and where is it found?  THE WAYS TO SHOW LOVE: Many are the ways to show love. A positive reinforcement stated, a note written, a diaper changed, a meal cooked, a soft word spoken, a tub of dirty clothes washed a pat of reassurance given, a kiss of unrestrained passion shared, a car repaired, a flower sent, a loving spirit lived!- Barbara Johnson.

And with that I see it’s only fit for me to end things on a nice note like that. Brethren, do not be deceived, true love isn’t as stressful and complicated as you think it to be. True love is just that; true. To the bone, hundred years down the line, it doesn’t change.

When you are a child, your whole life is before you. Everything is a dream, including turning ten, going to high school, being a parent and or powerful personality in society.

Prayers are rarely answered the way we would like them while some dreams remain dreams. We sometimes get what we want and at times we are forced to sacrifice between our fantasies and realities.

At times, you can’t have it all and some things might just be too broken to fix. Some should be replaced, while others should be rebuilt: brick by brick. When you are done blaming people and seeing yourself as not good enough, then and only then shall you get over beating yourself and thinking what you could’ve done differently.

We’ve had hard times admitting what we want and somewhere along the way, we lost the dreams we wanted most. But now that we wake up and they are far behind, we ought to keep walking with determination and fearlessness because we don’t want to give up on what we want or even let the chance slip away.

In the real world perception is everything, you cannot afford an excuse.  Show that you have your life in control that’s when people will trust you with theirs. Charity begins at home. It’s time for a new attitude.

WHAT NOW?

Word just in, a college student stabs 19 year old girlfriend because she was cheating on him. With a girl. Wow! What has the world come to?

 It got me thinking, how do people deal with rejection and frustration and all the negative stuff thrown their way? Do they cope? Do they give up the fight? Do they just hang on forever? Do they keep grudges? Well, we all are different and so are the ways of dealing with things. “When we don’t deal with situations, they find a way of dealing with us.” –Joyce Mayer. Whether we notice it or not, we

This are the days seem to have 148hours. You all agree if you have ever had yourself in such a situation. Personally, I think getting over this thing has stages/phases. There’s the shock and anger, the denying, the dawn of truth, the crying and depression, and then it begins to fade. And you look back and laugh at yourself terribly. The ‘what was wrong with me’ phase. The sooner you go through all of them, the better. Moving on means you are a bigger person and you are stronger.

Boys, don’t disagree with me just yet. It’s different with the girls. We are a lot more emotional than you. That makes us more human I guess. Anyway, my point is that when misfortunes befall thee, you gotta stay strong. For yourself.  It could have been worse you know. But life gave you a soft cushion to land on, and you got to get your ass up and find a way out.

When life gives you lemons, you can choose to ask for tequila and salt, make lemonade, or gush it to the floor. It’s all about the choices at the end of the day. The fact that there’s so much to consider when dealing with it. Like if you get violent, you might get locked in (and boy am I scared of cells!!!) or do things you’ll regret. These things can even affect the rest of your lives. Like being locked up for years if you are lucky to escape manslaughter. Violence is not the answer and it’s not worth it you got to agree.

Life goes on and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Life is about testing your strengths and elevating them. Your future awaits and the sad parts don’t last either.

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VIVA LA DIVA.

Even in this day and age women face discrimination and prejudice. Yet, women all over the world continue to work hard to make a difference to alter their lives and the lives of others.

I am all things women. Calm down, of course I’m straight, why is your brow raised? Get your mind off the gutter :D   I am fascinated when i see women coming on strong despite all the responsibilities assigned to them by default. The likes of being the one to run the house and manage the family among other nitty gritty things that appears almost inconspicuous. Not because it’s impossible but because they prove the world wrong.  It may look like nothing, but believe me, that thing is worth a medal.

Recently, I happened to listen to STL’s interview on radio and she said ‘I don’t look at myself as a female rapper, but as a rapper’. Then it suddenly hit me, that’s the problem we bring upon ourselves.  We struggle to reach the top and then we bring along the ‘female’ with the title we worked for. Female MC, female CEO, female doctor, female pilot/driver. No one ever heard of female classes/syllabus, female degrees or female skills.   

I don’t have a particular mentor but I’d like to shine my little spotlight on some women that I find worth the medal. I have to start from home, my mum, my aunt, my sisters and cousins and my girlfriends. Then in Kenya there is The late Waangari Maathai, Martha Karua, Carole Mandi, Beatrice Marshall, Gina Din-Kariuki, Wahu, MuthoniDQ, STL (of course) and Ajuma Naseyana. In Africa my medal and spotlight goes to Lira (S.A), Alek Wek (Sudan), Keko (UG) among others. The rest of the world holds obvious household names like Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth, Michelle Obama, Janice Dickinson (as bad as she is), Tyra Banks, Queen Latifah and Oprah among others.

Women’s day or not, I choose to celebrate all the women making a difference and those doing their thing in male dominated world. Yours truly, the proud feminist.

Given a chance I’d take a side job of being a therapist or psychiatrist/psychologist (whichever doesn’t involve thousand years in college and really huge books. I’d love to know how people think, why they do what they are doing even when they do not know it themselves.

Don’t you think it’s so much fun being able to tell almost exactly what is going on in people’s minds? Almost magical. Innit? I bet you have stumbled upon this phrase if you are on a social site or not too busy to notice but if you haven’t it says “Don’t you think it would be a better world if we could just Google what people felt and thought about us?” I’ll be more than thrilled the day I magically start hearing what people are thinking. Like Mel Gibson in ‘what women want’ But that will happen just when Santa exists and visit’s Africa. Well, let’s focus on what is attainable.

At some point in my high school life I was a peer counsellor and somehow I managed to give advice. Frequently. No, I didn’t have an office and no I wasn’t ‘little miss perfect’ but I could talk people into and out of some things. I couldn’t read minds but I bet being a woman, my guts helped in sensing and solving those problems. Somehow. Have you ever found how easy giving advice is, and you cannot follow the exact advice to save your soul from tears and teeth gnashing?

Well, that’s the world for us. I have had enough falls, troubles and mistakes to last me and my forthcoming lineages. It’s time i learnt. And helped people see the stumbles. Someone once made a joke: why would you repeat a mistake when there’s plenty waiting to be explored? Makes so much sense. After watching ‘necessary roughness’ I fell in love with Dr.Santino’s job. It feels great helping people out. For me at least. That’s when my desires to be a therapist came back.

P.S

I don’t believe in shouting at children or canning them unless it’s gone overboard. Teachers, parents and guardians should really work on talking to them. It’s a good thing when people get their goals straight from when they are really young. It helps people develop self-esteem and the world will be a better place. Don’t you think? Go out and preach if you agree. ;)

By Heart.

I have always been a different person; (or so i thought) from the things I choose to own, to the choices I make in life. I guess the peculiar things are attracted to me. Or me to them, whatever. It works and you get my point.

 As a child I wanted to be a land surveyor. *crickets creek creek* I know, what the hell? No one in my family is that!!!!!  I don’t know what those people do; I never got to do a background check. I don’t care anymore so they can just be. In my opinion if you wake up you feel i want to be a security guard, do just that! I have a feeling you will be happier where your heart is because home is where your heart is.

My friends could say, i want to be a pilot, i want to be an Eng., i want to be a nurse, i want to be a teacher, blah. It was all Greek to me. As a child i was super bright! My siblings called me a genius. As a first grader i could give a fourth grade pupil a run for their money in reading. It mattered to me. I enjoyed reading story books as my siblings did chemistry and maths, bio, geography and physics and what not. Most are my elder.

In primary things were quite smooth and I somehow made it through the canes and canes and more canes. I never got used to them I used to cry so bad each and every time. In class six, something happened and my life changed. We were given a math test without choices and I freaked out, I failed.  Math and i divorced. Anything with digits gave me a hard time from then on, I just didn’t care enough to recover and go back to being good at it. It wasn’t my place anymore. We were over.

In secondary it got worse, id read humongous novels at the backbench, never completed my assignments or homework’s. Puh! Any input would go out with the teacher. Typical teenager. Anyway my point is, i lost interest.  At some point i thought i was being crude to myself but somehow it was a call. :D

By the time i was in my second year in high school, i knew where my heart stood. What i wanted to be. Not for the money, not for the fame, but i knew i was going to be a happy person. Do what your heart wants. You will be happy and that’s what matters most.

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SPARE ME THE ‘FAME’.

I am not a common-stuff (aka Kenya Uniform) person ain’t tryna justify myself or anything but I really do not like having stuff that fananas like nanis. It really pisses me off!!! End of story.

Ok ok. I know ending there won’t make sense because I have to tell you why.  I love myself so much I will not struggle to fit in when I really was born to stand out. I am soon going for my internship and in case there is going to be an interview, I don’t want to sound like I’m from Mars or Venus.  So I am making a point to read newspapers and watch news at least daily. Yes, I have to make a trip to the school library daily. Funny enough it’s actually a good sport, the librarian knows me as the last to leave.  I am equally surprised.

My story is, I saw this chick with a phone like mine!!! I know I’m not that special or own anything that looks customized or anything. But my heart sank! I really hope that the ‘torch’ I have won’t be as common as an Ideot coz I honestly do not know what I will do. Saving that for later, I also noticed I don’t like being noticed for all the wrong reasons or for a season. ;) That’s just me. Then, i have to keep myself from the tongue-lashers and the ‘Google-search’ of this institution. Trust me when they start researching about you sweetheart they will know how your brain works.

Result? Avoid groups! I do not say thou shall not have friends but careful what you feed or leash to your ‘besties’. I might be called selfish or an antisocial. That’s better than being a crowd pleaser, I got a life too. Well wishes to my opposition though, thanks for noticing that I am better than twenty of you put together and loving me for my ambition. {*giggles* no diss.}

Other than that, I noticed my fame-phobic habits go deep down to my wardrobe. I am one person who would rather go to an open market and go the whole hog for the just in fashion rather than catwalk into an exhibition and buy things our housie will own three months from now... feel me? In short, spare yourself the seasonal fame and stand out. It feels good. Once you go classy you never go back.

                                       #### J

MY VIEW ABOUT THE NEWS.

I just love the way writers have a way with words. I burst into unexpected laughter when I saw a headline that read ‘Time to tame political prostitution.’ What is political prostitution? I cannot explain, only speculate. People have had enough of the political madness and are going to call it anything that satisfies them. I am however not for them so yeah go ahead.

I support all those civilians killing the lions that are raiding people’s farms and bringing the farmers back to square one. I mean, seriously? Last week was 28 sheep and today 10 goats? Okay. The authorities in charge should have their priorities right. Face the goddamn park!!! Are they going to wait till we don’t have any livestock left? And then the butchers will start selling lion meat, huh? We are bringing this to ourselves. Look into it with wisdom, protocol can be wrong when you don’t know where the problem began. Alternatively they can transfer those animals to the Tsavo and make that land a playground for all we care.

 Some University students got to be kidding. They are going to strike for the zillionth time this year? Do they get paid to do that? Is that their priority? No, wait; do they know what they are doing? They threaten to demonstrate and the ones inciting them already have their lavish apartments and sleek cars rubbing their goatees as they watch you waste your precious opportunities to make your lives. You thought it’s a right? Wait till your faces are vividly displayed on the screens and you have to be expelled.  Anyway, life is full of choices; all you have to do is make sure the one you make is right.

 CCK has wanted to switch off fake handsets since I was born. Isn’t it time? Stop pleasing us. Act! My bad but thanks, we know you are not in office for fun but if you are going to do something stop postponing. It’s annoying just so you know. Like a lazy kid who keeps walking the whole house chanting “I’m going to do the dishes mum, I’m going to do the dishes!” so that they aren’t given anything else to do. Shut those fake phones tonight if you are serious.

Lastly, I would like to ask what Kenya has done to Somalia to deserve these bombs, grenades and threats or who is it that is behind all this? I can’t lie I’m so scared to the blood vessels, half of Nairobi’s population is in the CBD and a quarter of the others pop in and out. Yesterday a nine year old boy died at the bomb scene in Mombasa. He didn’t even have a clue? I know no one deserves to die that’s why I’m worried and afraid.