Book hangover

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I am sitting on the edge of my bed. Hurt. Feeling like I have lost a part of me. As if my friends just left without saying goodbye. Or waking up from a dream too good. A dream that has been going on long enough. A dream I managed to regulate how long it would last but a dream altogether. Then I realize, its a book hangover. Just like Biko taught us.

Books change you. They make you dreamy its sort of magical and light up a far but sure amber of hope. I love getting lost into an in-existent world someone creates. I feel the characters emotion. Some of them grow on me. I laugh with them, cry with them, I like things they like and dislike others in the same fashion.  Books are said to be mirrors of society. Some vibrant than others. Some books I read I feel myself morphing into a character, relating and a little wishful thinking. Hoping as well.  Little maybes garnishing my hopes. Although, it is in these maybes that I could be thriving in. The changes.

Chimamanda Ngozi has wounded me deeply. Why does she finish a book with “Come in?”

Why is she shutting me out of the good things I have been hoping for all that while?

Why is she leaving me out in the cold? My mug of hot tea is still here. Plus it’s raining as I write this so I feel lonelier than usual. Am I the only who feels lonely when it’s raining? Or it’s a thing? 

Whatever.

But I understood her setting and the characters she created. She shut me out.

'Americanah' is like an award winning Hollywood movie and I had the chance to cast my actors and choose my setting. Ifem looked a lot like Chimamanda herself I have to give you that."ahn-ahn", "ehn"  and all the other things. Ranyinudo sounded like somebody I know. Obinze a little like the love of my life I never had, Ifem as myself with her blog and her tough-spirit and stubbornness. I think I am stubborn and curious when I'm not busy hiding behind safe words. Her parents, Obinze's mum, Aunty Uju, Dike. I do not know if his name is really Dike /dyk/ or /dikeh/. we might have to ask Ms. Adichie herself. 

I read the Nigerian italics in their accent thanks to Afro-sinema.

Ngozi took me to places I have never been to before until I came close enough with her ever so vivid description of people, feelings, places, situations. I grew sad when the mood was somber and giddy when everyone else was happy teasing and all. I didn't like some guy, I don't remember his name but I hope no one has been faced with the tragedy of being associated with his name.

I traveled through Nigeria cringing most of the time. Because I am reminded of crowded places and disorganization like a Nairobi I don't know. And I honestly do not like crowded places and disorderliness. So many things came alive in my eyes in that moment and I don't regret squinting through the tiny handwriting and carrying the big ass book every single day whipping it out in traffic regardless of the distance.

I however don't understand why she rushed my favorite part of the book. Part 3. There were parts I had a huge internal yawn but being the reader I am, I couldn't just put the book down. I never skip pages. I go back a chapter just to take a second dip in these peoples imagined lives and feel again. I fell in love with The Zed as well. I hope to find my "Ceiling" and that he would want to smooth all the roads for me. Chimamanda, you have a way with words, and you got me good.

Whats love got to do with it

I wasn't really sure if I wanted to do a post for today, its 9:35 PM and I am still contemplating then I come across a tweet and I’m like “this needs to be addressed.” Cynthia Nyamai @cynthianyamai ‘Men go through so much pressure in life, so this year I decided to treat my man and let him know he can sit back cause I got this.’ I nod in agreement.

The pressure on Valentine’s Day is blown out of proportion. However, it is the men that cower from it that engross me. I wouldn't judge you. One thing men need to realize is that women don’t expect that Kempinski suite or a trip to far-away land although if you could afford that we would be ecstatic. Ever heard “it’s the little things that matter”? Must be a woman who said that because we can attach sentiment to anything and everything. Yes. It’s the little things that you would do with a personal touch that go a long way. I bet you already know this but I will repeat it anyway, women are the easiest to please.

If you do not already treat your woman to a random date or a night out/in then I think that is when it becomes a task for you. If you work out often, you will not find a run to be such a task. The same applies here. If you still find the little things really hard to do then I think you are a problem and God bless the woman putting up with that. If the woman settles for that then, well, to each their own.

Even with the changing times, it is sort of an unwritten rule for the man to be the provider. That could be the reason women tend to let the man do all the giving while they do all the taking. That's when you become the house-help and are expected to do all the cooking and cleaning. If this is the case it means he hardly ever thinks of taking you out. Hence, the expectation of a day out during valentines. If you do have those on the regular, the 'stay-cation' would definitely work for you.

I will not lie, I like a man who treats a lady with a thoughtful streak. Treats her like they actually are the best thing and they would rather be there with them than be anywhere else. Isn't that what love is about anyway? I have an imagination I can't tame so believe me when I say I fantasize beyond what you could ever imagine. I am just that girl. And people like me appreciate very little things, because for us, its the thought that counts.

Take some time and do something out of the ordinary. It doesn't have to be expensive, at all. Ladies love surprises, well. Most of us do. Although, I think if you are seeing someone it is your duty to find out what your better half likes. Take the time to listen to her, not hear her rumble like Kanyari speaking in tongues but listen to what she tells you and ask engage her in the conversation. Or just Google something dammit!

There are men who purposely bring up a fight when its almost valentines and apologize on the morning of 15th. I think that is fear of thinking, fear of using your brains, its stupid, beyond despicable. If you genuinely love someone you wouldn't pull such illiterate stunts. You can tell her you love her a little over a thousand times out of habit but if you show it, she would never doubt that. She would probably go out of her way and do extra things just for you. I saw the grocery guy buy a teddy bear and a couple of roses for the wife and that surely could be the oldest trick in the books but I could spell the love for his wife through such a simple gesture.

Ladies, its not always about the men to shower you with gifts or exchange them either. A relationship is two way as you already know. Do not be always on the receiving end otherwise you will receive a dump too. It would really mean a lot to the man if you took care of this for once. This way you set the standards and maybe, just maybe he can have a clue of what makes you happy and top that next time.

Men, we know you do not volunteer information quite easily but please try and talk to your woman when she seeks your opinion on some of these things. We will appreciate when it is not a one word answer. It comes out as arrogant when you ignore. Its a give and take. Compromise. (So that you do not have to sleep on the couch) You will be surprised what those little things can do to your relationship. Thank me later.

THAT’S NOT MY NAME

Long before the coke ad, I had thought of this post so, no, that’s not my source of inspiration. Although, I like the song & I must say I am into the personalized cans.  They are just the coolest thing since…….. Ok, they are cool but sliced bread cannot compare. Uuuh, there, coolest thing since personalized sweatshirts logos, right?

My name is Tracy. Written as T R A C Y, not T R A C E Y or T R E S I or T R A C E (Keli please leave my name alone) or however else people decide to spell my name.  It is not Teresa either. I had to ask my father if he intended to have my name as Teresa but he did not.  It is not Stacy either, *hangs head in irritation* I don't know how we got here but I dislike that name with all fibres' of my being.   

 This is how most of my introduction goes;

"Hi, my name is Tracy." (pronounced as /treisi/)

"Jessy?"

"Tracy."

"Rossie?"

"No. Tracy."

"Stacy?"

(Rolling my eyes in the back of my head) "Tracy. T.R.A.C.Y"

"Oooh, Tracy!!" (pronouncing it as /tresi/)

(Smiling in half approval) "Yes, that."

 Sometimes I want to say "never mind just call me Gesare" but trust people to make it a guacamole of a conversation.  But most times I let it slide, so if I said "Tracy" and someone is like "oh, Xavier?" I'd be like yeah, that. Someone called me Trez. T.R.E.Z. I can't. I might not be able to change much but I have a request to make. Here we go.

Dear Coke East Africa/ Kenya,

 I have been to the supermarket enough times rummaging through the CocaCola fridge for a can with either of my names but for reasons well known to you, you don’t have any. The guy at the freezer section knows me now, he sees me approaching and he is like “bado, bado, si nilikuambia wakileta nitakuwekea.” So I just pick the first coke with something like Odhis on it but I walk on, resisting the urge of looking through for my name just one last time. I just want to see my name or something closer home on it. Sigh!

I have been watching my fellow bloggers and the rest of the lucky squad flash their personalized cans on social media. All I do is like the picture and move on now. One secret, I am a hoarder (as explained here) so if you ever considered giving the can I’d keep it till the end of time and probably ask to be buried with it. Is that creepy? Oh sorry, then I will pass it to my grandchildren. Guys are teasing how people should be striving to have names on title deeds and not on cans. They don’t get the difference; at least no one can grab my can. Plus I would rather have my name on a Coke can than on a Nairobi Aviation College certificate. Lol. Let me stop running around the bush, it might end up burning from the rounds I have already made. Is it too late to ask for a personalized can? Ok, deal? Thanks.

Sincerely,

Tracy the Coke lover. :D

Song Review: P-Square - Shekini

There is nothing new under the sun. That’s the fact. It has all been done. We just need to come up with a new, better and simpler way to do these things. Track reviews aren't a new thing either.  People review songs differently and I just felt the need to give my two cents on this song that has grown on me and I LOOOOOOOVEEEE so much.

Has any of you heard the song Shekini- by Psquare? Well the guys are definitely redefining Nigerian music and I have to say they are doing good. First time I heard the song I was going to switch off the radio and leave the house but damn it was too catchy so I switched to phone radio immediately. No regrets. It is the kind of song that would definitely get me wanting to break into a dance in the middle of the streets (If I’ll ever get the courage to do it.)

From the time I heard it, I tried placing it. it sounded like a song I had heard before. I am not very good at figuring these guys out so I didn’t give it much thought.  Although I felt it sounded like Shoki, Sekem and or Gallardo. I played the songs alongside each other but I am still biased. Shekini wins. I cannot credit P-square for originality but surely they know how to steal and run the show. The energy in the song is like nothing I can compare to.

If you ever find yourself idle with absolutely nothing to do and you might be online just check comments on a famous profile. Anywhere. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Youtube, Blogs. You will not have a dull day I promise. The comments on this video to be precise are nothing short of entertaining. I am hoping one day I am going to get to a place where I read my own comments and break into laughter like I did today. Both negative and positive, bring it. I’m not here to be like I’m not a Facebook status. ( :D just felt the need to throw that in there however irrelevant.)

Well, if anyone is going to sue another, eerm, let me say I will just grab popcorn. These smart thieves just had me on their team and its not the first time they have stolen by the way. They stole a dance (Azonto) and named it Alingo. The thing they know how to do is pump up mad energy into a jam and you just cant resist the plagiarized product.

Hallo 2015.

You and I thought 2014 flew by. 2015 is here to redefine “flying”. We are already on 8^th of January. It was 1^st just yesterday. Now I know next time I will not let my holiday extend a day into a new year. It takes much more time to switch back to reality.

To be honest though, I think December had the best chronology of holidays ever. Jamhuri day fell on a Friday, so it extended to the weekend for those of us who do not work on Saturday and it was like a 3 day break from the madness. Then come Christmas and Boxing Day then the weekend!!!!! Bliss!!! It was a wonderful four day break, not having to set an alarm; best thing ever. For those who had to work it was the shortest week!! A 3-day week, somebarry say glory!! Then the four day mini holiday! You tell me that wasn’t some sort of mental vacation.

Enter the first 'real' week of January. I am thinking the thing that makes January look so long is the fact that we are on a break for too long then bam!!!! work!! work!! work!! till 2850!!! I am thinking in the lines of a 21 day challenge where you get to work towards something consistently. So when guys went on holiday for a while the body started adjusting to constantly relaxing then suddenly. As if this is the first January we have ever gone through. Plan my friends, plan and act accordingly.

It is like boarding school, or any school for that matter. The December holidays are the longest so definitely first term is the worst. If you are still in school, first term/Semester is no surprise. It is bound to rear its head as soon as you finish doing dishes for the family gathering on 1st Jan. My point being, be prepared for school in the best way you can. Second, have a positive mindset, probably imagine that its only school, not prison. 

Speaking of schools and closing December was not the best for me. I have never known my flat has this many children. There are days I get some work done at night then I sleep when its almost morning. Those brats play right outside my window. As we speak they are running after each other screaming. I hope they get bitten by two Tsetse Flies each. And some teenager right above me decides to play his music way too loud, I am tempted to move into a cave somewhere in a forest.

Theres a reason its called going through hell not  being in hell. So keep going. Somehow by God's grace. January will come to an end faster than you think. We have 3 more weeks to go. Soldier on with a positive attitude. This too shall pass. Although if you took my advice from last year, you are definitely at a better place. How is that going for you? I'd love to know. Thanks for stopping by and Happy 2015.

Happy New Year

2014 is coming to a close and I just felt the need to join the rest of bloggers in gracing NYE with a post. It has personally been a good year for with constant highs and quite a few lows but most of all this year has flown past. We all agree. So many things have taken place in what may have seemed as a short instance but the fact that I am obliged to put it down it can only mean that I am grateful to my creator for every little thing.

As I am writing this, the song on my mind is some reggae jam that goes, "thank you God for what you've done for me, thank you God for what you're doing now, thank you God for
every little thing" *karaoke moment* you bet  I closed my eyes, left hand on chest and the right up in the air. Savoring those very words.

I am thankful for my family, good health, the hope that a new year brings and all the experiences & lessons that have shaped me. Here's to new beginnings, to better days, moving up the ladder in all spheres and perhaps closer to your dreams.

Happy new year.

Taking Stock 2

Photo Credit: Leon Muli

Photo Credit: Leon Muli

Making:  A to do list with time frames. Not resolutions.  Let’s just say a to-go list because the list has enough places to be visited.

Cooking: I don’t think I will be cooking today but I am thinking, bread crumb chicken drumsticks.

Drinking: Ceres sparkling white Grape Juice. The thing tastes like sugarcane. If I wasn't the one that poured it in my cup I would've sworn it was sugarcane Juice. How can I be so sure about something I have never tasted anyway? But I hear it exists, I should add that to my list, aye?

Reading: Americana by Chimamanda Ngozi. Yes I know I am late but hey.

Wanting: To leave town, these walls of my house are caving in.

Playing:  Nothing at the moment. I needed silence. Very Unusual.

Wasting: My time constantly on the internet.

Sewing: DIYing and altering some of my clothes that I cant bring myself to get rid of.

Wishing: I can learn how to discipline myself when it comes to Internet because it is here to stay and it can be both a tool of destruction or production. I need to learn when to log on and when to switch off the phone and live a little.

Enjoying:  Mobogenie. A mobile app that allows me to download all kinds of International tracks and they actually offer you different versions of the song, hence how I found out about KygoRemix of Cut your teeth.

Liking: The thought of a new year. For the first time in a while I feel like there’s something to look forward to. There’s sort of a wave of change and better things.

Wondering: When I am going to stop obsessing over my ideas and start actualizing them.

Loving: Kyla La Grange’s Cut your teeth (Kygo Remix) I basically all of Kygo's remix but that is my fav.

Hoping: I get to accomplish half the things I have been dreaming of all my life. Starting with baby steps.

Marvelling: At how 2014 has flown by. The true definition of time flies, its like we blinked twice and found ourselves in December and the way we had 58 months of January.

Needing: So many things, sometimes I think I’m being unrealistic but the heart wants what it wants.

Smelling: Boiled sweet potatoes from the neighbor’s house.

Wearing: A grey sweatshirt, black pants.

Following: Team_Terra on IG

Noticing: I now have a headache because I didn't have breakfast and its 1 pm already.

Knowing:  That I will be the only one saving myself.

Thinking: About shoes I saw at backyard, I need 1712 pairs of heels. (#HoarderAlert)

Feeling: Empowered by the plans I am laying out and decisions I am making lately.

Bookmarking: Torrent. I need to download tones of movies, my dealer is not reliable no more.

Opening: The fridge and I'm not feeling the food in there. What's my problem? I'm hungry but I do not want to eat.

Giggling: At stuff on “Fucking Good Advice” It is an Android app that has a curse word in every sentence; I find it funny if you ask me. You should try it.

Feeling: Grateful for the year that has been. It has had its ups and downs but most of all, I am glad that I am alive and healthy and I cannot tell you how much God has been good to me for granting me that.

5 Things you didn't know about me.

5. My neutral expression makes me look like a snob, no-nonsense person and sometimes unfriendly. I am not even complaining. That has sort of helped me because I get the upper hand in initiating conversations and getting them going. I am not often very open to everyone but when I do I tell enough, maybe to the point of TMI. At times I am a meanie I surprise myself, sometimes I just don’t care about anything going on around me; just minding my business, but once in a while I get too friendly I think I could be dying. Don’t get me wrong but I have heard stories of people being over friendly during their last days, freaks me out a bit.

 4. I’m a little bit of a neat freak, I’m told J. When I organize stuff, I use a certain order. For instance, clothes; I might organize them according to color, type (official, casual or tops, bottoms) so when someone touches my stuff I could notice that something has been moved because they might not have returned them in the order I put them in. (Anita, it’s not magic or hidden cameras) A little bit of T.M.I, everything I hang faces the same side and so do the hangers. Some of my friends find that odd.  How many of you do that too? There’s even a time I used to have the hangers have the same space apart then I thought that would just be extreme so I stopped.

3. I am very hypersensitive to cold. When I was in primary, I used to swell up with lumps anywhere on my body. The sole of my feet, palms of my hand, in my tongue, on my lips, anywhere; but they would subside when I get warm. Good thing they are not itchy, just uncomfortable. There are times the lumps could form on my fingers and I couldn't write. Good thing is I no longer have them now, I think I adapted but cold feet and palms never left. I cannot sleep without socks on because I have to aid my feet to get warm before I get any sleep. Without the socks I could take up to an hour to fall asleep. My friends joke that I have lizard feet. I wear sweaters to the rave when the temperatures drop a degree less and if it is daytime and we are at 16 degrees I’m wrapping up and layering like an Eskimo. Gloves, scarfs and all. I have no idea how I would survive in the Alps or regions that experience winter to begin with.

2. You know how KOT diss  Kenyans with accents? I cannot. Because I am a victim of adopting an accent as fast as I can drop it. If I go to my shagz for two days, no, maybe a week, and the people I interact with have this pitch in their speech, it grows on me. There was a time I used to watch that Kardashians  show all day. I was surprised how much I spoke like a whackass socialite the days after.  I am certain that if I leave the country for a considerable amount of time you probably wouldn't recognize my speech at first.

1. I am not sure what is the strangest or most unusual thing about me but here goes. I am sentimental about stuff for no apparent reason. This has led to hoarding tendencies which is not a good thing if you ask me. There's stuff I don't use but I can't get rid of. For example I have a backpack my dad bought me in 2000. I can't bring myself to get rid of it. It has faded and the zipper doesn't hold but I can't let go. My cousins used to get me stickers and glowing pens in Primary, I still have some of those in my stash.

Well, now you know a little more about the girl behind this blog. I hope reveal a little more later. Thanks for stopping by. Happy holidays. :*

Social Media is a Lie.

Social media can be many things but the only thing I’m thinking right now is how much of a lie social media is. People come from Slovakia when they don’t even know where that is on an actual map. Some have been around the world and back just from their beds while others have worked or been CEOs at UN, BBC and signed contracts with Young Money as they hop from one squeaky bar stool to another and crashing on people’s couches.

A friend of mine updates a status on 22^nd Dec “If you are working today, you are either a medic, self-employed, disorganized or you have your priorities wrong. Which one are you?” I am not even working but I immediately went like, who are you to judge why other people are working? These are some other pretty legit reasons not within the update that actually explain why people would be working over the festive season.

Anyway, who are they to deserve an explanation? Nobody owes you a damn explanation. I don’t owe anybody an explanation, that’s how I live my life. I choose to work when I want, however I want to and from whenever, as long as I deliver. I work odd hours all the time because I work to perfection and some are delicate deliverables that I have to get done. If I had things to do I would work on the 24^th, 25^th even the 26^th too. I mean, c’mon, you want it that bad, go for it!! Whenever, wherever, however, as long as it is legal and decent.

 Personally the festive season is a complete waste of time. And Jesus wasn’t born on the 25^th of December by the way. Show me a verse in the bible that supports that. I don’t like what everyone obsesses over. It’s just how I am. If everyone wants it, I don’t. (Except money and success and happiness: D I might have to rephrase this,) I don’t like Christmas.

We have become pathological liars with the help of social media. Captions, hashtags, filters, are mostly lies, including some moments. Socialites steal pictures just for Instagram. Google it. If you are having the time of your life at the concert why are you busy filming from your cheap phone instead of dancing your heart out? If you don’t get high as a kite and lose that phone, maybe you might have a good memory of the whole concert and keep the phone and the purse too while you are at it.

Everyone out there is applauding achievements and success because that's how society is, its only human nature to show you are happy even when you are clearly not. From a page you can figure so and so is “happily single”, in a relationship, trips out of town every now and then, loving their work, dinner at a high-end hotel of course, then they are engaged, wedding shopping, #happily married, getting pregnant, popping, new cars, vacations and all. Hardly will you see, sleepless nights, late with rent, I don’t even have examples because I see none of them failures. But these same people go through tough times. Some are even depressed.

 People do post photos of funerals and other tragic things but not as often, yeah? Say 2% of Instagram could be depicting grief. People go through so much we will never be aware of because they will never mention it; instead that’s when they will think of having a social media Detox. It works. The moment you do not feel the pressure of being caught by your friends random camera or paparazzi maybe you could let loose or be your actual self and don’t give a f**k or two.

Don’t believe everything you see. Photoshop is real. The filters exist. Some people will plagiarize and not even feel ashamed. Behind every good #selfie there are a couple ugly ones deleted. Take a break live a little and don’t forget to #LOVEYOURSELFIE. 

These sources of ideas and their timings

We all have walked into a room, forgotten what we wanted, walked out then remembered ( or not). That’s me. Most of the time. I get ideas when I’m in odd places. Then once I find the time to sit and actually write something down, I go blank.  And I had the thoughts aligned very well to the conclusion. Well, such is life.

Another way to actually get ideas is starting to write. Anything. As long as it flows. I have enough half baked posts in my archives because what happens is, if an idea creeps up when I’m in the middle of doing something else unrelated to blogging, I write two or three lines in there to remind me what exactly it is I want to write about.

Water has its way of giving me ideas. Especially, when I’m doing laundry. I do laundry once every fortnight if I have the time or once a month. Don’t judge. Thank you. The unusual thing is that when you have that many garments to wash, you are probably going to be there for two or more hours. I’m very meticulous and I take my time doing stuff. Laundry especially, according to me, requires that you have psych to wash so if I start I have to finish because if I break to sit and type something it would mean that stash might have to wait two more weeks or whenever I feel like washing again. When I’m in there scrubbing away I have tons and tons of ideas flowing from my head to Buckingham Palace and back.

 I actually start to think the content of each of the ideas until they overflow and intermarry and I’m left to think maybe I should go ahead and be an author already. I’m actually working on a book, play and all sorts of stuff, same story again, ideas giving birth to ideas. Spring cleaning, (arduous task that one) also gives me the same vibe. Too bad, this also takes time, like a whole day, and my body needs to agree with my brain that I’m really going to do this so no breaks allowed.

There is a time I was in the exam room and my thoughts went astray because, well, I was through with what I knew and I don’t do guess work too well but maybe I should try it sometime. The regulations are that, you should not write anywhere else apart from within the margins of that booklet. So it’s an hour to time and I feel like my wrists are chained and I'm burning up with ideas.

I have to confess 8-4-4 broke me if not made me worse. You know the way you read for exams and as soon as you write it down you have to re-read it in order to explain it properly? That's how I function. I could not write anything anywhere, thinking was the only option at that time. By any chance if I would write down that would mean that idea walks away with the outlet thanks to the restrictions. I either note it down and expound on it later when I have time. Because if I let it stay in my head hoping it could come back in the same force when I'm ready there's a 0.09 chance of that happening.