Happy New Year

2014 is coming to a close and I just felt the need to join the rest of bloggers in gracing NYE with a post. It has personally been a good year for with constant highs and quite a few lows but most of all this year has flown past. We all agree. So many things have taken place in what may have seemed as a short instance but the fact that I am obliged to put it down it can only mean that I am grateful to my creator for every little thing.

As I am writing this, the song on my mind is some reggae jam that goes, "thank you God for what you've done for me, thank you God for what you're doing now, thank you God for
every little thing" *karaoke moment* you bet  I closed my eyes, left hand on chest and the right up in the air. Savoring those very words.

I am thankful for my family, good health, the hope that a new year brings and all the experiences & lessons that have shaped me. Here's to new beginnings, to better days, moving up the ladder in all spheres and perhaps closer to your dreams.

Happy new year.

Taking Stock 2

Photo Credit: Leon Muli

Photo Credit: Leon Muli

Making:  A to do list with time frames. Not resolutions.  Let’s just say a to-go list because the list has enough places to be visited.

Cooking: I don’t think I will be cooking today but I am thinking, bread crumb chicken drumsticks.

Drinking: Ceres sparkling white Grape Juice. The thing tastes like sugarcane. If I wasn't the one that poured it in my cup I would've sworn it was sugarcane Juice. How can I be so sure about something I have never tasted anyway? But I hear it exists, I should add that to my list, aye?

Reading: Americana by Chimamanda Ngozi. Yes I know I am late but hey.

Wanting: To leave town, these walls of my house are caving in.

Playing:  Nothing at the moment. I needed silence. Very Unusual.

Wasting: My time constantly on the internet.

Sewing: DIYing and altering some of my clothes that I cant bring myself to get rid of.

Wishing: I can learn how to discipline myself when it comes to Internet because it is here to stay and it can be both a tool of destruction or production. I need to learn when to log on and when to switch off the phone and live a little.

Enjoying:  Mobogenie. A mobile app that allows me to download all kinds of International tracks and they actually offer you different versions of the song, hence how I found out about KygoRemix of Cut your teeth.

Liking: The thought of a new year. For the first time in a while I feel like there’s something to look forward to. There’s sort of a wave of change and better things.

Wondering: When I am going to stop obsessing over my ideas and start actualizing them.

Loving: Kyla La Grange’s Cut your teeth (Kygo Remix) I basically all of Kygo's remix but that is my fav.

Hoping: I get to accomplish half the things I have been dreaming of all my life. Starting with baby steps.

Marvelling: At how 2014 has flown by. The true definition of time flies, its like we blinked twice and found ourselves in December and the way we had 58 months of January.

Needing: So many things, sometimes I think I’m being unrealistic but the heart wants what it wants.

Smelling: Boiled sweet potatoes from the neighbor’s house.

Wearing: A grey sweatshirt, black pants.

Following: Team_Terra on IG

Noticing: I now have a headache because I didn't have breakfast and its 1 pm already.

Knowing:  That I will be the only one saving myself.

Thinking: About shoes I saw at backyard, I need 1712 pairs of heels. (#HoarderAlert)

Feeling: Empowered by the plans I am laying out and decisions I am making lately.

Bookmarking: Torrent. I need to download tones of movies, my dealer is not reliable no more.

Opening: The fridge and I'm not feeling the food in there. What's my problem? I'm hungry but I do not want to eat.

Giggling: At stuff on “Fucking Good Advice” It is an Android app that has a curse word in every sentence; I find it funny if you ask me. You should try it.

Feeling: Grateful for the year that has been. It has had its ups and downs but most of all, I am glad that I am alive and healthy and I cannot tell you how much God has been good to me for granting me that.

5 Things you didn't know about me.

5. My neutral expression makes me look like a snob, no-nonsense person and sometimes unfriendly. I am not even complaining. That has sort of helped me because I get the upper hand in initiating conversations and getting them going. I am not often very open to everyone but when I do I tell enough, maybe to the point of TMI. At times I am a meanie I surprise myself, sometimes I just don’t care about anything going on around me; just minding my business, but once in a while I get too friendly I think I could be dying. Don’t get me wrong but I have heard stories of people being over friendly during their last days, freaks me out a bit.

 4. I’m a little bit of a neat freak, I’m told J. When I organize stuff, I use a certain order. For instance, clothes; I might organize them according to color, type (official, casual or tops, bottoms) so when someone touches my stuff I could notice that something has been moved because they might not have returned them in the order I put them in. (Anita, it’s not magic or hidden cameras) A little bit of T.M.I, everything I hang faces the same side and so do the hangers. Some of my friends find that odd.  How many of you do that too? There’s even a time I used to have the hangers have the same space apart then I thought that would just be extreme so I stopped.

3. I am very hypersensitive to cold. When I was in primary, I used to swell up with lumps anywhere on my body. The sole of my feet, palms of my hand, in my tongue, on my lips, anywhere; but they would subside when I get warm. Good thing they are not itchy, just uncomfortable. There are times the lumps could form on my fingers and I couldn't write. Good thing is I no longer have them now, I think I adapted but cold feet and palms never left. I cannot sleep without socks on because I have to aid my feet to get warm before I get any sleep. Without the socks I could take up to an hour to fall asleep. My friends joke that I have lizard feet. I wear sweaters to the rave when the temperatures drop a degree less and if it is daytime and we are at 16 degrees I’m wrapping up and layering like an Eskimo. Gloves, scarfs and all. I have no idea how I would survive in the Alps or regions that experience winter to begin with.

2. You know how KOT diss  Kenyans with accents? I cannot. Because I am a victim of adopting an accent as fast as I can drop it. If I go to my shagz for two days, no, maybe a week, and the people I interact with have this pitch in their speech, it grows on me. There was a time I used to watch that Kardashians  show all day. I was surprised how much I spoke like a whackass socialite the days after.  I am certain that if I leave the country for a considerable amount of time you probably wouldn't recognize my speech at first.

1. I am not sure what is the strangest or most unusual thing about me but here goes. I am sentimental about stuff for no apparent reason. This has led to hoarding tendencies which is not a good thing if you ask me. There's stuff I don't use but I can't get rid of. For example I have a backpack my dad bought me in 2000. I can't bring myself to get rid of it. It has faded and the zipper doesn't hold but I can't let go. My cousins used to get me stickers and glowing pens in Primary, I still have some of those in my stash.

Well, now you know a little more about the girl behind this blog. I hope reveal a little more later. Thanks for stopping by. Happy holidays. :*

Social Media is a Lie.

Social media can be many things but the only thing I’m thinking right now is how much of a lie social media is. People come from Slovakia when they don’t even know where that is on an actual map. Some have been around the world and back just from their beds while others have worked or been CEOs at UN, BBC and signed contracts with Young Money as they hop from one squeaky bar stool to another and crashing on people’s couches.

A friend of mine updates a status on 22^nd Dec “If you are working today, you are either a medic, self-employed, disorganized or you have your priorities wrong. Which one are you?” I am not even working but I immediately went like, who are you to judge why other people are working? These are some other pretty legit reasons not within the update that actually explain why people would be working over the festive season.

Anyway, who are they to deserve an explanation? Nobody owes you a damn explanation. I don’t owe anybody an explanation, that’s how I live my life. I choose to work when I want, however I want to and from whenever, as long as I deliver. I work odd hours all the time because I work to perfection and some are delicate deliverables that I have to get done. If I had things to do I would work on the 24^th, 25^th even the 26^th too. I mean, c’mon, you want it that bad, go for it!! Whenever, wherever, however, as long as it is legal and decent.

 Personally the festive season is a complete waste of time. And Jesus wasn’t born on the 25^th of December by the way. Show me a verse in the bible that supports that. I don’t like what everyone obsesses over. It’s just how I am. If everyone wants it, I don’t. (Except money and success and happiness: D I might have to rephrase this,) I don’t like Christmas.

We have become pathological liars with the help of social media. Captions, hashtags, filters, are mostly lies, including some moments. Socialites steal pictures just for Instagram. Google it. If you are having the time of your life at the concert why are you busy filming from your cheap phone instead of dancing your heart out? If you don’t get high as a kite and lose that phone, maybe you might have a good memory of the whole concert and keep the phone and the purse too while you are at it.

Everyone out there is applauding achievements and success because that's how society is, its only human nature to show you are happy even when you are clearly not. From a page you can figure so and so is “happily single”, in a relationship, trips out of town every now and then, loving their work, dinner at a high-end hotel of course, then they are engaged, wedding shopping, #happily married, getting pregnant, popping, new cars, vacations and all. Hardly will you see, sleepless nights, late with rent, I don’t even have examples because I see none of them failures. But these same people go through tough times. Some are even depressed.

 People do post photos of funerals and other tragic things but not as often, yeah? Say 2% of Instagram could be depicting grief. People go through so much we will never be aware of because they will never mention it; instead that’s when they will think of having a social media Detox. It works. The moment you do not feel the pressure of being caught by your friends random camera or paparazzi maybe you could let loose or be your actual self and don’t give a f**k or two.

Don’t believe everything you see. Photoshop is real. The filters exist. Some people will plagiarize and not even feel ashamed. Behind every good #selfie there are a couple ugly ones deleted. Take a break live a little and don’t forget to #LOVEYOURSELFIE. 

These sources of ideas and their timings

We all have walked into a room, forgotten what we wanted, walked out then remembered ( or not). That’s me. Most of the time. I get ideas when I’m in odd places. Then once I find the time to sit and actually write something down, I go blank.  And I had the thoughts aligned very well to the conclusion. Well, such is life.

Another way to actually get ideas is starting to write. Anything. As long as it flows. I have enough half baked posts in my archives because what happens is, if an idea creeps up when I’m in the middle of doing something else unrelated to blogging, I write two or three lines in there to remind me what exactly it is I want to write about.

Water has its way of giving me ideas. Especially, when I’m doing laundry. I do laundry once every fortnight if I have the time or once a month. Don’t judge. Thank you. The unusual thing is that when you have that many garments to wash, you are probably going to be there for two or more hours. I’m very meticulous and I take my time doing stuff. Laundry especially, according to me, requires that you have psych to wash so if I start I have to finish because if I break to sit and type something it would mean that stash might have to wait two more weeks or whenever I feel like washing again. When I’m in there scrubbing away I have tons and tons of ideas flowing from my head to Buckingham Palace and back.

 I actually start to think the content of each of the ideas until they overflow and intermarry and I’m left to think maybe I should go ahead and be an author already. I’m actually working on a book, play and all sorts of stuff, same story again, ideas giving birth to ideas. Spring cleaning, (arduous task that one) also gives me the same vibe. Too bad, this also takes time, like a whole day, and my body needs to agree with my brain that I’m really going to do this so no breaks allowed.

There is a time I was in the exam room and my thoughts went astray because, well, I was through with what I knew and I don’t do guess work too well but maybe I should try it sometime. The regulations are that, you should not write anywhere else apart from within the margins of that booklet. So it’s an hour to time and I feel like my wrists are chained and I'm burning up with ideas.

I have to confess 8-4-4 broke me if not made me worse. You know the way you read for exams and as soon as you write it down you have to re-read it in order to explain it properly? That's how I function. I could not write anything anywhere, thinking was the only option at that time. By any chance if I would write down that would mean that idea walks away with the outlet thanks to the restrictions. I either note it down and expound on it later when I have time. Because if I let it stay in my head hoping it could come back in the same force when I'm ready there's a 0.09 chance of that happening.

The Fear.

We all have fears whether we admit it or not, and what I fear most is losing someone I love. No. Not breaking up. I will get over that shit with time. I am talking about when someone loses their life. No matter what you do, they cannot come back. That’s the thing that could break me.

A very close friend of mine lost her mother recently; I am still in disbelief, she doesn't know it. It’s been a month now but it but it just won’t settle. The mother suffered a cardiac arrest and just like that, no second chances, she went to be with the Lord. My friend has probably accepted and moved on, or so it seems, but the day she called me up with the news keeps replaying in my head. Like a bad dream. In the blink of an eye she was gone.

Light a candle for a fallen Soldier.

I probably cry a lot more than most adults but it helps me deal with the things I’m going through, I can’t help it but I feel way better when I’m done. That’s just how I am. My friend on the other hand hardly sheds a tear. The entire time I have known her, I don’t remember a single day she cried, but I remember several times she was so mad she trembled. So the day I pick her call and she is sobbing uncontrollably, it had to be something real bad. She is a strong one. She managed to tell me in one sentence.

I don’t like it when my friends cry. This time my friend wasn't crying because of a bully. Or some guy who broke her heart. It was beyond everything I could do. When I went over to her place, we talked about the crazy things we did in the past and all the reminiscing we could. I didn't know how else to comfort than to divert thoughts. Everything was different on the burial day. It is the saddest of all because you are saying goodbye indefinitely and all you will remain with are memories. And photographs. That’s when you know for real nothing will ever be the same again and you better start believing.

Recently I had a scare. We had gone out with a few friends and when the night was done we went to sleep over at our other friend. I tucked my friend on the couch because that’s where she blacked out. On the next morning I couldn't find her on the couch, but in another room. That wasn't bad; at least she didn't run out of the house or something.

I tried waking her up on several attempts but she couldn't move. Are you thinking what I was thinking? I thought she had died. Her body wasn't as warm so I thought she must have died a few hours ago. I shook her again, panicking, tears gushing, head spinning, this time desperately than before, and she pulled up her covers weakly. She was alive!!!!!!  I asked her to wake up and slap me because I wanted the reassurance. She probably thought I was being dumb but I really needed her to punch me real hard. I ended up slaving for her that entire day, and a few days just to show her how much I adored her thinking of how bad I would've craved that if at all I lost her.

Well, we are all mortal beings. I mean human-beings, (If God is reading this blog too id be thrilled, please drop a comment below, or just share with the angels, thanks.) If and when we lose people dear to us may God give us the strength to carry on and may He comfort us. It is a fear we can't run from, but must be prepared to face. My condolences to all of you who have lost loved ones, now or far in the past. If you love the people in your life let them know that for sure because you could blink and the are no more and you'll wish you told them that a lot more.

Hairdresser Chronicles.

The customer is always right and the secret about this is no secret at all. The customer is right. Business depends and thrives on that. When I walk into your premises and you start telling me what I want without asking for your opinion I get infuriated. You know the type I'd turn red if I was a couple shades lighter. If I did not know what I’m looking for I wouldn't be looking in the first place.

 My blood boils but I constantly remind myself jail is never a wonderful place or experience at that. Plus two thirds of your "friends" will not visit, even if they do, you will not be at liberty to spend all the time you'd wish to. No phones, decent meals or fresh air: and internet (God bless the internet). It’s like boarding school all over again only worse. You get my drift though? I wouldn't risk jail for people who aren't worth it. So some of the times when I’m super mad, I've learnt to smile and no, do not be deceived, I’m not anywhere close to being amused, maybe by the level of stupidity, but not because there’s a chance of the person being funny. Most of the times if I have a choice I walk away, its way better than causing a scene you agree. Some of these situations do not need reactions anymore so my other option is ignoring. However once in a while I while I speak my mind.

All this is about my hair. Women and their hair. In as much as we have that one go to hairdresser who gets you and can deal with your madness, there’s always a thing or two they don’t get so you will ask around who does what best. I love to braid because it needs the least amount of work and I can style them however whenever. Every once in a while I've had someone do a good job but when you go back niggas don’t have a clue what you are talking about. So I switch from time to time. You know the problem with that? They say better the devil you know but I got to take my chances. This time they flopped, ass up.

My sister referred me to a certain lady who made her hair about three years ago.  This should have been my cue, too bad I didn't ask. The woman asked me if my sister had delivered and my sisters’ daughter is three years old now. Of course she had delivered, it’s been three years or so? Or are there people who are heavy for more than 9 months? I showed her pictures of my adorbs (adorable) niece. She is like “oh amekuwa mkubwa” and I’m there thinking to myself should she be crawling in diapers after all this time? Right there people, that is the reason I am not a fan of small talk.

Well, being the perfectionist that I am, I showed them pictures of exactly what I wanted to look like at the end. First, her assistants were over there trying to convince me to do what they know and I was there like “I don’t want what you know and what you always make, I have made myself clear now do me a favor and tell me if you can do this or not!!” but in the most courteous way possible. After a little bit of back and forth I got overwhelmed and wanted to walk, then they calmed down and agreed to my style.

Usually, rather what they know is that they empty close to 15 packs of braids onto your head, I don’t roll like that and I told them. I don’t want to leave the place leaning back like I’m literally carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I sat there patiently being braided. Somewhere in the middle they say they are out of braids. My brain stops. I’m not certain how this is going to end but I choose to keep calm. There’s nothing much I can do but add another packet.

Long story short in the end I don’t look anything close to what I wanted. I feel like crying because my whole head hurts from the pulling and the acres of my forehead have been highlighted with what looks like a cactus plantation. I was running late for something else so I couldn't undo them. Then to add salt to injury, my whole other issue was the length of the braids. She went on and chopped them. Give me a moment I need to wail!!

When you ask God to give you a sign, He does, most of the time. You will not hear a voice from above nor will a dove sit on your head, it is there right before your eyes. It is clear to me that He wants me to tie turbans, embrace bad hair days or chop it off altogether. I have chosen to listen. Before I do, anyone who knows some obedient hairdresser who knows how to listen to their client and make the best box braids please halla at a sister. I am done with the shady ones.  Now excuse me as I go kill some puppies and walk on needles.

 

Support &Advocate

Days are set aside to commemorate different things, mark anniversaries and so forth. When a whole month is set out to create awareness, you know it’s serious and people mean business. October was made the official breast cancer month in 1984 and the movement has grown in leaps and bounds as women religiously support each other. I think it is the only time women are not being their own enemies. If it is detected early enough, it can be controlled

Since inception of World Breast Cancer Awareness Month (WBCAM), women oriented organizations, mostly, have consistently made it their sole aim to promote breast cancer awareness. All over the world, women are enlightened on how to take charge of their own breast health. Mainly, self-breast exam being the easiest and cheapest way to help women detect any changes in their breasts for early detection.A mammogram is recommended annually for women from 40 years to 70. A cancer's stage is a crucial factor in deciding what treatment options to recommend, and in determining the patient's prognosis. 

Breast cancer is not a foreign ailment as it is the most common malevolence in women worldwide both in developed and underdeveloped countries. Most of those who succumb are from low- and middle-income countries, where most women with breast cancer are diagnosed in late stages due mainly to lack of awareness on early detection and barriers to health services.

You have either lost a friend or a relative or know someone who is suffering from it. There’s a probability of 1 in 8 women developing breast cancer in her lifetime.  A minority of these cases are hereditary say less than 10%. Breast cancer most commonly develops in cells from the lining of milk ducts and the lobules that supply the ducts with milk. There are more than 18 other sub-types of breast cancer. Some cancers develop from pre-invasive lesions.

Men also suffer from Breast Cancer, however in very rare cases. This occurs mainly at the age of 65 and above. There have been a few cases of younger men suffering from breast cancer between the age of 20 -90. “The American Cancer Society estimates that each year, about 1,990 new cases of breast cancer in men will be diagnosed and that breast cancer will cause approximately 480 deaths in men. A man’s lifetime risk of developing breast cancer is about one in a thousand.” –Sy Kraft (B.A) , Medical News Today.

Compiled by Tracy Gesare

Source Wikipedia, WHO, WebMD

Teenager Extraordinaire

Teenagers making waves all over is something we could have been used to already. Well, we are told that the future belongs to the youths – teenagers are early youths too – and some of us have taken it too seriously now that the future is here.

 I don’t quite remember doing something productive with myself during my teenage years, which I should have, my excuse being a small town has zilch to offer. What are the current 17 year olds doing? The ones you know. Your brother/sister, cousin, niece, nephew, friends? However it is not about me or them or Kylie Jenner today. Ladies and Gentlemen introducing *drumrolls please* Malala Yousafzai!!! I’m just excited; my shadiness can take a seat now.

Of course I didn’t grow up in the same neighborhood as Malala, neither am I friends with her older sibling or something, I certainly googled her. I wasn’t the least bit stunned to see a “why do most people hate Malala?” title on the search. Whether you do bad or good, there will always be a hater somewhere either talking smack about you or planning to do not so good things to you.

Malala is a teenager of Pakistani origin born in 1997. She is an activist for female Education whose backing has gone global and even won her a Nobel-Prize on 10^th October this year: exactly two years after she was shot in the head. She started out by writing an anonymous blog for BBC, giving conditions under the local Taliban rule which had also banned girls from attending school. This landed her in a New York Times Documentary which in return got her interviews on print and Television. Later that year South African Activist Desmond Tutu nominated her for the International Children’s Peace Prize.

Miss Yousafzai has co-written a book “I am Malala: The girl who stood Up for Education and was Shot by the Taliban.”  A not so average life will earn you not so average hater’s girl. Good choice though.  Her bravery has seen her bag accolades from every front. Malala was the winner of Pakistani’s first ever National Youth Peace Prize, was featured (and listed) on Time magazine in May 2013 as one of the 100 most influential people in the world, among others. She was to receive an honorary citizenship in Canada but was cancelled due to the emergency situation in Ottawa where shootings took place near Parliament Hill.

She has also been listed in the Time Magazine again as the Top 100 most influential teenagers alongside  First children Sasha and Malia Obama, models and reality show stars Kendall and Kylie Jenner, and artiste Lorde. A Malala Fund set up by Vital voices to benefit the girl child education has attracted hefty donations, such as Jolie, who reportedly pledged a donation of  200,000 USD.

World Wide Discoveries.

The internet is a vast world in its own existence. There is so much put up every second and a little of it taken down at the same time I presume. It doesn't fill up any space (I'm thinking) but it exists. Tons and tons of peoples work, imagination, creations and folly all of it wrapped up in one. It is a wonderful thing I would say but it can also ruin your life. Case of a typical two sides of the coin.

A friend introduced me to an art and humanity page called Humans of New York and I have never looked back. They have a way of having people open up very little random things about themselves. Some are emotional, some are funny, but most have a thing or two you can learn from life in general. Tonight the articles that have touched me speak for themselves in their few words. 

"It's hard for me to materialize things into form. I'm full of regrets, I've got poor self-esteem. Every time I start doing something, I get down on myself and quit. I wasn't a leader when I was young, and I fell into all the wrong things. Eventually I got into doing drugs, then selling drugs, and I ended up going to prison."

"How'd it all end?"

"I was one robbed one night, and learned who did it, so I decided to get back at the guy. I wasn't really thinking at the time. I was high out of my head, we were listening to Metallica, smoking PCP, and all my friends were yelling at me to do something. So we found the guy and I slashed him with a box cutter and hit him with the shaft of a steering wheel. I went home and told my mother that if the cops come, to tell them I was home all night. Then I took off down Ditmars Boulevard, and after I drove a few miles, cop cars started coming at me from everywhere."

2.

“I’ve written so many stories and novellas that nobody will look at, plays that I can’t get produced, screenplays that will never be made. Everything is so branded these days in the art world, it’s so hard for an outsider to get work.”

“In what way would you consider yourself an ‘outsider?’”

“I’m interested in failure, so those are the themes that I like to explore. But we live in a society that celebrates triumphalism. A society wants art that reaffirms itself. We want to read about characters that win.” 

“What was your lowest moment as an artist?”

“I worked on a screenplay for two years, and it had just been turned down by the fifth theater in a month, and I remember walking down 5th avenue in the middle of winter, tossing the pages one by one into the slush, vowing never to do it again. It was just a few blocks from here, actually.”

That's all folks and thank YOU for stopping by. You are amazing.

My Black is Beautiful.

Skin lightning has never been a reality to me nor a thought. Topic for discussion maybe but I have never thought of doing it myself.Ever!!! I am saying this hoping that I will not wake up one day with shallow thoughts and just throw in the towel. I mean, I love my skin pigment, not because I am trying to convince myself but because I love being dark. Period.
Those who have met me know that I am dark enough. The ebony kind of dark. If I were in south Sudan, they'd think I'm their own. I have been mistaken for a Sudanese at one time by some white lady during an audition.  My middle and surname sound a little Nilote to foreign ears perhaps. So I let it slide because I wasn't offended anyway.
The only thing that could sell me out could be my body structure maybe. I am skinny yes but my sisters tease that I am the starved kind of skinny considering I was once a size 12 going on 14 and now I am a 6 leaning towards 4. I like it like this though. It is the smallest i have ever been in my entire life. I know the day my weight shoots up I can never come back to being a 6, maybe an 8. So let me enjoy it while it lasts. I find the Sudanese girls athletic and very lean. Some are the high fashion type of lean and the rest are just lean.
Did you know we have a whole street, no I'm exaggerating - its like 7 to 10 shops on the same lane, in the Central Business District that is dedicated to cheap, filthy skin lightening cream. I was running errands looking for fabric and I was directed to a textile outlet on some downtown street.
I was shocked and exasperated when women kept scampering towards me asking if I wanted "mafuta ya uso"?
OK. If you bleach, why don't you do the whole damned body though? You know your body has to match pigments, then you go ahead strip off melanin on your face and leave the rest of it. Well. I understand we all are entitled to opinions and decisions but some of us need help making these guidance's. Decide if you want to remain dark or go light skinned, not zebra patches.
You are beautiful just the way you are. If you think you are not, then be your own kind of beautiful. If you do not believe all that, take a look in the mirror. The person staring right back is beautiful. After all that you don't believe then go ahead and dip yourself in it.
-I don't think you are beautiful, I think you are beyond it.-  Dwayne Carter

FIND WHAT YOU LOVE AND LET IT KILL YOU 1

Why do I have 60 posts in two years when other people have 600+ on their blogs over the same time frame? Is it the thought block/ idea block perhaps? Waiting for recognition or what? Don’t worry. I do not expect you to answer those questions seeing that this is me questioning my endeavours. Those are the questions I often ask myself as I look through my blog for the umpteenth time, looking for inspiration. Weird much?

See, it takes time to grow in any creative industry, unless you are born with the “oh, you are so good” type of talent, or you have had the opportunities to grow around these fields. If you are, thank your ancestors. These are the kind that either had their first try at various jobs when they were 5 or less. So the bug bites you early and it is easy for you to figure exactly what it is that you want to pursue. Typical story of a few of the actors and musicians who have come from a lineage of people doing the same thing so it is easy to relate and they have the support, I’d like to assume.

 Then there are those who come from the typical professional kind of background. Where we are encouraged to be strictly doctors, engineers, nurses, teachers, and the whole shebang of formal employment. It is work trying to figure out what you want to be exactly and do just that. I know people who go into college start out with one thing only to switch for a third and fourth time, some do this and still regret.

From where I stand, I now understand why they wanted us to go into such fields. There is a very little chance of lacking a job and it is safe, in as much as you earn peanuts. That was all love. Enter Tracy. Tracy finds safe boring; I cannot sit behind a desk my entire life, I mean yes I can sit from time to time when I am putting my thoughts down. I want something interesting. Not writing on a chalk board then erasing, what’s the point?

 

DISCLAIMER: I have nothing against teachers but I think it should be a calling, not something you decide to do because you do not have another option. Mostly, the drama that comes with being a teacher. Being on duty, sijui who has done what, so and so didn’t complete the homework, some 12 year old feels like an adult enough to talk back. It can get personal and I might end up not liking that kid for a very long time and I do not want to be a dream killer. Like the teacher who said Einstein will never amount to much. I bet he regrets with all the vessels of his veins.

From the little knowledge I have gathered so far, it is important to follow your passion. Like some 11 year old I know who wants to be a taxi driver, its good. Whatever floats your boat and brings satisfaction. As cliché as it sounds, it is paramount. If this kid gets to 22 and still wants to be a taxi driver I think he can make a great one and probably own a fleet.

I doubt I will be able to do what I desire if I am at the wrong post. You cannot practice A if you are at C; it is going to be a little bit hard. Find what you love and let it kill you. I urge you to follow your passion because when the light goes out you don’t want to have regrets. Or do you?

Keep doing it.

This generation couldn't get any better. I am inspired to say the least. Everywhere I look, there's ambition, assertiveness, vision, toil and want. Young and rich individuals outdoing themselves day in day out, I cannot lie, I'm inspired.

For as long as I can remember I've had these dreams of being great. I love to write and have thought the paths of writing I want to venture into, perfect my craft and curve a niche for myself at the same time not limiting myself. From the look (and feel) of things, I am going to turn into a Jill of all trades. Would it hurt if I have so many things going on for me or will I be spreading myself too thin? We will figure that on the way up.

 When I sit back and look at people who would've done great in various industries but they did not take up the chance, I fret and remind myself that I will not be that person who looks back and regret. Definitely I would not be that person who looks and thinks “I wish I would've started earlier”, which I am already doing and it is killing me.

I see people my age doing things I have yearned for years on end and I ask myself what am I not doing right? Why am I not the one there or shouldn't we be at par. Do not confuse that with comparing myself with other people. One thing we all need to know is there is nothing new under the sun. You are either doing something as you saw someone else do it or you are doing it in a better, easier way which I like to call the science way since Science is making work easier.

I understand that there is no manual to follow to the letter but you have to be willing to be wrong for you to grow and go places. Trying new things doesn't mean they will take flight. People and plans fail but you have to be willing to dust yourself off and trying again. You can fail miserably on so many occasions.  In the end, it will give, either because of your resilience, patience, faith or all of them.

This generation can be one of glorified hobbies or most of us believe in being destined for greatness and stopping at nothing. There are those of us who give up quickly and there are definitely not faint hearted; and it is definitely not for the light hearted. When you embark on the journey to discover yourself, come with enough heart to chase whatever it is that you are looking for. Your future, the legacy you leave behind, the people you inspire along the way both knowingly and unknowingly, will thank you for not giving up.

Martin Luther, Mandela, Maya Angelou, Oprah, Tyra, Lupita, (me *cough cough) and all those people you look up to did not stop where they started. They kept doing it with everything they got and eventually the world gave back to them in due time. Do not despise your efforts, who knows, you could be the next Obama or whatever it is your heart desires.

Dreams and Decor

 If wishes can come true then may those wishes of owning a house come true sooner than I have thought about. The thought of gawaing my salary with my landlord is not funny but then again it is life and the fact that I have a roof over my head is something I should be grateful for. So I will stop complaining. I've been having grown people problems, or at least that's how I'm beginning to see it.
Lately, I have spent hours & hours browsing through interior design decor blogs, IG pages and twitpics sighing at the beauty and therapeutic energy/feel it comes with it.

The chest of drawers at the corner with the piano keys,  

 I am particularly in love with the drama in black and white and the comic twist. in the above designs I got  here. The kitchen design won me over, that's the one I want more than anything. That bench, (lqtm). the design is modern, simple and unique just the way I like it.

I do not care if my children will love this particular design but they could have to deal with this for a while. I love it. There's no room for clutter or an excuse for not cleaning, goes perfectly with my mild O.C.D. When and if it gets too obvious, we can switch beddings throw in some very colourful ones to break the monochrome.
 Of course owning a house is one thing, furnishing it is another. I will make it my mission to start with the paintings in particular. I'm leaning towards D.I.Y these days, do not be surprised if I start doing this myself. How many of you feel this with me? or I'm just on my own, not that I mind.

Taking Stock 1

Been putting off taking stock because I thought I'll never have something to say on some of the leads but then I thought I can never be ready. I will either keep postponing or just do it. The good thing is it provides for a third fourth and fifth time to do this.

  

Making: A book with details of how my future house should look like. I love interior design and I should be prepared for when my moment gets here. The current plan could be a little unrealistic because it looks toooo good but dreams shouldn't be limited so I don’t think I’m going to change it.

Cooking: I am on a mission to try out new recipes, if that counts as cooking, yeah then I’m cooking different stews, I’ve had enough of beef and chicken.

Drinking: Coffee (in case you don’t live in Nairobi, it is my version of -24 degrees outside) I have to keep warm and the water is not as tasty .

Reading : My notes from school; I have CATs on CATs on CATs and I’m beginning to hate school which I already know I do but I have to do this anyway because somehow deep down I want those papers but nothing comes easy. I however give myself a break to read Biko’s blog. Blunt but hilarious guy.

Wanting: A car more than anything else right now.

Looking: For inspiration to double up my energy and hone my skills.

Playing: Scrabble. Alone. (Don’t judge, I’m an introvert and a loner, but I find peace in all that quiet) Although I would have loved for someone who shares my love for board games to join.

Wasting: Opportunities. Sad but true. 

Sewing: I’m learning how to sew mats from my friend Chamzy aka Fiona.

Wishing: For a miracle. As crazy as it sounds, I’m wishing for one.

Enjoying: The company family offers and Thanking God I have a loving and supporting one at that.

Waiting: For the day I can finally go to BoraBora or Maldives for vacation

Liking: the way people don’t act or get too familiar around me because my face comes out as a stone face. Hahaha Self-defense much!!! I like my circle small. 

Wondering: how long it takes to get toned abs and body. Been doing the exercises for three days now, at least they should start showing. Stop laughing. I’m serious.

Loving: Cute and playful children. I even proposed my colleagues bring their tots to work one day. Most of all I like to play with my nieces and nephews who can make you do some serious work out you had never prepared for but still want some more.

 
Hoping: That I get to at least 20 followers by the end of the month. Been on 15 since forever & that things fall into place sooner.

Marveling: At how patient I am with people who give me bullshit every time I give them another chance to prove themselves.

Needing: To get it together and chop these time-bandits off, without feeling bad.

Smelling: Jasmine Noir (my sisters cologne that I plan to borrow until she gets tired of me and lets me inherit it, or just keep using it until she runs out :P )

Wearing: Black blazer, black top, black trousers, black shoes. I feel like I’m mourning something I do not know I’ve lost. Yet. Like a bad habit. But why would I be mourning a bad habit anyways? Whatevs, point is I’m in black, head to toe.

 

 Following: this order of Taking Stock from Sharon of This Is Ess who in turn got it from Sydney Poulton of The Day Book (who has an adorable baby boy by the way)

Noticing: That I need to take myself seriously.

Knowing: That I will eventually get through this.

Thinking: About switching gears. Are you ready?

Feeling: So cold. A foot rub can do. Thanks.

Bookmarking: Writers Digest

Opening: Myself up to new experiences and opportunities.

Giggling: alone at some Giffs I came across that are about work. (I cannot find the link because I cleared my browsing history like  a criminal)

Feeling: great that I have finally done this.